Ever get so fed up with making decisions that you just want someone to tell you what to do for the rest of your day? Or life. No judgement. Or you start out the day making good, healthy decisions, but by the end of the day your kid is eating cinnamon rolls for dinner while you binge The Bachelor with a bowl of cereal?
You’re not alone. It’s a real thing. It’s called decision fatigue, and it hits us moms HARD. Decision fatigue refers to the deteriorating ability to make good decisions after an extended period of decision making and can cause us to stop making decisions all together. It may not seem like it, but moms are making hundreds of decisions every day. And these decisions have heightened importance because most of them are not for us, but for our children. We shoulder the responsibility to make decisions for our precious babies who can’t make quality decisions for themselves. Toddlers have lots of opinions, but eating bagels and milk for breakfast, lunch, and dinner is not a solid long term dietary strategy.
We take it one day at a time, but moms feel pressure to steer their kids’ lives in a certain direction. We may have different opinions about how to get there, but we all want our children to grow up safe and confident and healthy. Every little decision during the day takes on extra significance. What if by letting her have a cookie with her lunch, I’m setting her up for sugar addiction later on? Am I altering his brain’s baseline arousal level by letting him watch Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood for an hour today? If I push this nap up a couple of hours, am I messing up her sleep schedule for the next few days? We haven’t read any books today, is he going to like reading when he gets older?
On a typical day, I make A LOT of decisions. If we cuddle in bed for a few more minutes will we be late? What should we do for breakfast? I should make her scrambled eggs for the protein, but she wants a Kashi cereal bar and it’s so much faster. Do I let my daughter pick out her own clothes and shoes for school or make her wear something that matches? Which sippy cup will she be least likely to reject today? Will we be late if we leave in 10 minutes, or should I leave in 5 in case of construction traffic? Which jacket do I send with her to school? I’m not sure what the weather will be like. My boss just sent me an email, do I try to take care of that first or do I head to the gym after drop off like I was planning to? The floors really need to be mopped, but my back has been bothering me the last few days and mopping may make it worse, do I risk it? What do I feed my daughter for lunch? She’s eaten PB&J for the last week straight. Is she getting enough variety? She’s falling asleep in the car though, should I just try to put her straight down and feed her lunch after? But what if her nap is short because she’s hungry? I’ve still got work to do and I really need that nap time. Should I spend nap time cleaning the bathrooms? They do need it, and we’ve got company coming in a few days. But I also really need a shower, I can smell myself. Did I forget to get the onion for dinner? Crap, I did. Do I have time to run to the store after nap but in time to prep everything else? Should I get the organic onion this time? What’s the difference anyway? No, our grocery budget is gonna be a little tight this month with company, better just get the regular one. And nothing extra from the grocery store this time. Stick to the list. Except milk, we’re going to run out in a day or so. Maybe I need to spend nap time prepping everything else for dinner so all I’ll have left to chop is the onion. Should I call the doctor’s office now or can it wait until tomorrow? Oh, wait, tomorrow’s Saturday. Then I’d have to wait until Monday. Better call now. Have I even eaten lunch yet? I drank that protein shake after the gym, but I don’t think I’ve eaten anything since then. Ugh. I still need a shower, but should I wash my hair? Then I’d have to dry it and it would be a whole thing. I could probably do dry shampoo one more day…
It adds up. By the end of the day, I’m done making decisions and ready to pass the torch to my husband, who has also had a day full of his own work-related decisions. But as I’ve told him, he may be making decisions that help his company make money, but I’m shaping the life of another human being. Slightly different. My husband doesn’t understand the weight I put on the decisions I make for my daughter. When he’s in charge and needs a minute, he doesn’t seem to agonize over the decision to turn on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse the way that I do. When I’d like our daughter to have fruit and cheese as her snack, but she’s screaming for cereal AGAIN, he doesn’t think it’s a big deal to just give her more cereal.
Being pregnant and under quarantine has changed the decisions I’m having to make, but not the weight of them. What do we even do this morning? We need to get outside, but I also need to work. Do I let her watch a movie while I get my work done? Should I make something from the freezer for dinner or try to use fresh meat? Should I place another Shipt order for groceries and pay more for them, or send my husband to the store after work? Will that give me enough time to even make dinner? I should do a quick workout, but I really just want to sit on the couch during whatever “nap” time break I get today. But I should use that time to do some laundry and clean. Am I giving my daughter too much sugar with all my lockdown boredom baking? Should I let the grandparents come visit? Is it safe for us? For them? I don’t want to carry the guilt of something happening to them because we passed the virus to them unknowingly. Can I go see the chiropractor? I could really use it with how huge I’m getting. Can I get my hair done? Am I exposing my family when we chat with the neighbors? Should we switch our toddler to a big girl bed before the baby gets here? Will she ever nap or sleep at night again if she can escape? Is her room even properly childproofed and safe for that? Is she ready for that transition?
I may have accomplished nothing of physical value through the day, but I still end up exhausted from my brain running non-stop with tiny decision making. So husbands/dads/partners, cut us some slack. It may look like nothing happened in the house while you were gone or hiding in your home office, but moms know the truth. We have carried the burden of loving and caring for our family all day. And that’s enough to wear anyone out.
