Caught in the Trap of Social Media Comparison

1

I was chatting with another mom in the gym the other day about her workouts. I saw her do an exercise in the gym that I didn’t know how to do and asked if she would teach me to do it. She mentioned that she learned to do that particular exercise from an Instagram account she follows and suggested I might want to follow it too. I told her that I used to follow all these fitness people on social media but had to stop because instead of feeling inspired, I just felt discouraged and crappy about myself.

When I first started following fitness accounts I would think, “Her butt looks incredible, clearly I need to be doing more of what she’s doing.” I’d save a bunch of workouts to try, and when I got to the gym I’d be all over the place doing these stupid moves I’d seen on Instagram instead of the tried and true methods I knew would work with time and effort. Over time, instead of making me want to get in the gym and try new things, these “influencers” just made me self conscious and overwhelmed. So I hit “unfollow” on them all.

I did the same thing with other types of influencers. A gorgeous girl who just posts photos of herself in various fashionable outfits with perfectly applied makeup and artfully tousled hair?

Unfollow. 

The girl whose every photo is of another room in her beautifully decorated farmhouse untouched by toddlers? 

Unfollow. 

The impeccably dressed mom with the handsome husband and beautiful children posting tastefully photoshopped and filtered shots of her family in their giant Joanna Gaines-looking home?

Unfollow. 

Instead, I found people who used their accounts to crack jokes and post unflattering selfies of themselves with their disheveled children climbing all over them. Those are my people. My Instagram feed is now 30% people I actually know and 70% funny parenting memes. This works much better for me.

I can very quickly get caught in the trap of comparing myself to other people. It’s easy for me to think that everyone else around me has it figured out, and I’m the only one who is struggling. It’s also easy for me to become dissatisfied with what I have when I’m constantly seeing the beautiful homes and decor and clothes that other people have. 

I get the desire to look like you’ve got everything under control. I do. I feel it ALL the time. But I also HATE the idea that I could make another mom feel like she’s not enough. I hate phoniness and can’t stand the thought of being fake. Because I know I’m far from perfect (and it drives me nuts), my social media is full of self-deprecation. Sometimes I feel like I actually do have it all together. There are times when I’ve gotten in a cleaning frenzy and my house is immaculate, the laundry is all clean, folded, and put away, I’ve meal planned, and I make home cooked meals for my family for the week, my daughter is napping well, we’re playing outside more and watching screens less, and I’m having a productive work week. Those are the weeks that I feel like I’ve totally got this mom thing down. Then I have the weeks where I just blatantly forget about multiple appointments, we eat something from the freezer or fast food for dinner every night, my toddler decides that she hates naps and all my snack offerings are unacceptable, we all have grocery store feet just from walking around in our house, and I have to put Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood on the TV to get any work done. It all evens out in the wash right? 

What everyone comes to realize eventually is that social media is not reality. For every selfie posted on Instagram, there are a dozen more sitting in someone’s camera roll that weren’t posted for this or that reason. People don’t put their real lives on social media. They put a carefully curated version that presents them in the way they want to be perceived. I fight an internal battle every time I post a picture. Do I post the raw, unedited version of this photo or do I Photoshop out that zit on my chin and the scars on my forehead? It only takes a couple seconds. When my husband posts a photo of me that I think is extremely unflattering without telling me, I’ll admit that I get a little upset. He just sees a cute photo of me and our daughter at a football game, not all the sweat on my face, makeup that’s settled into fine lines, and blemishes that are highlighted by the setting sun and stadium lights. 

Medicated, but still in the midst of PPD.

If you looked at my Facebook feed after my daughter was born, you’d have no idea I was going through PPD. I posted cute baby pictures, cracked jokes, and told stories about poo disasters. It was all pretty benign stuff. What was I supposed to post? That I felt disconnected from my baby and the world? That I cried constantly? That I wanted to run away or just disappear entirely? I couldn’t post that. It’s TOO real. I didn’t want to clog people’s timelines with negativity. Everyone has those few FB friends who just use their page to complain about their life or perpetuate drama. Where is the line between being real and being too much? I don’t have the answer.

Making jokes. Still depressed.

I kinda hate social media. The irony of how most of you are reading this is not lost on me. Social media is the main platform for my writing at the moment. In this world, that doesn’t seem likely to change any time soon. But I have to limit my intake for my own sanity. Hear me other mamas, and anyone else who stumbled on this post, most of social media is crap. And I would argue that Instagram is far worse than Facebook because it is the home of the “influencers” [rolls eyes aggressively]. At least on Facebook, most of what pops up in my news feed is from people I know or have at least met in real life. So use that unfollow button liberally. Only keep in your news feed or timeline things that encourage you or make you laugh or let you celebrate or commiserate with the people you love. Get rid of the things that make you feel inadequate or less than or unworthy. And for the love of all things holy, quit comparing yourself to other people’s social media personas.  

Previous articleIn the South, Football Matters
Next articleDIY Costumes for the Last Minute Mom
Sarah Savage
Sarah Savage is originally from Crestview, Florida, but has called the Auburn/Opelika area home for the last 14 years. She graduated from Auburn in 2012 with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a minor in Human Development and Family Studies. She and her husband, Jonathan, have a six year old daughter and a three year old son. Sarah works part time from home as a Communications Editor for Auburn University, but spends most of her time attempting to keep her kids from climbing—and subsequently falling off—furniture and providing an endless supply of snacks. She enjoys working out, reading, baking, listening to podcasts, and volunteering with local service organizations.

1 COMMENT

  1. YES! I have also found that the less people I follow, the less time I spend on IG anyway. I left Facebook because I never walked away feeling better, only worse. Thanks for sharing!

Comments are closed.