I stopped to snap a picture on my run a few weeks ago of someone’s dashboard display of ducks in a row. I have no idea the reason or significance of said display, but its out-of-the-ordinary nature got my attention. It may have been simply a random storage spot for a child’s bathtub toys, but whatever the explanation, it intrigued me enough to stop and record it.
Are my ducks in a row? Depends on what day you ask. Some days things are cooking along like clockwork. Others, I’d be hard-pressed to figure out where all the ducks are, much less assemble them in an orderly manner. But, without variety life would be boring. Right?
According to Rachel Lynde, “You’re never safe from surprise ’til you’re dead.”(Though actually in some circles, there’s debate over that.) There have been occasions where having all my ducks in a row has given me great comfort. On others, the unexpected adventure popping up has been incredibly challenging and fun and stretched me to new levels. Everyday life’s unpredictability brings the wonder to it, but it can also bring the heartbreak.
My young ducks love both safety and pushing limits in varying combinations. One duck will travel the world by herself, but put her in crystal clear Gulf water with small fish nibbling her toes and she’ll climb over you to get above water level. Duck number two once convinced all of us except his dad to jump from a plane, however, since becoming a parent, while adventure is always a possibility, his perspective and priorities have shifted a bit. Duck three will scale Angel’s Landing, but if a cockroach runs by, don’t get between her and the door—you get the picture. Duck four will rarely enter the reptile house at the zoo, but threaten one of her baby ducks and you will incur a tremendous force of nature. It’s rare to find our ducks in a row, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Each one of them is unique. Each has individual motivations, learning styles, interests, fears, struggles, and strengths. Each is navigating life a little differently and the ducklings are doing the same as they follow along right behind.
My goal as a mom and grandma isn’t to get my ducks in a row, but to prepare them, guide them, and then watch them swim—always here if they need or want my input, always encouraging (though sometimes with fingernails dug into my seat biting my lips to keep quiet), but always speaking truth into their lives. We may not agree, but they know they are always loved, regardless.
I’m finding that parenting adult kids is sometimes way harder than it was parenting three under age five. When they were small, I had much more ability to control daily activities and outcomes, much more of an idea of what they were doing and thinking. It was exhausting some days, but more physically than mentally. Everyone went to bed at bedtime and I had a chance to recover for the next day, well, most of the time. I could do a pretty good job of keeping them safe and making sure the influences in their lives were good ones.
But life happens. “The best laid plans of mice and men oft’ go awry,”* and I realized one day that I could not keep them completely safe either physically or emotionally. I couldn’t map out their lives and make everything neat and tidy. Some days, I couldn’t even accomplish one single task I’d set for myself, much less them. I needed help. It finally dawned on me that the key words in my thinking were, “I” and “Myself.” What I needed was to trust Someone outside of me who could handle it all.
Slowly, I’m learning that my job description as a Mom, and now a Grandma, is to live my life becoming more like my Creator each day, navigating whatever life throws at me by trusting and clinging to Him. As I savor every moment in the present and live each one to the fullest as He allows, bringing my ducks in a row behind me until they each begin to swim more and more on their own, I fulfill my purpose as defined by Him. In the process, I’m mentoring them. They learn by what they see me do more than by what they hear me say, by how they see me do life more than by how I tell them to do life.
How I handle life teaches them to handle it. Sometimes I’ll nail it and sometimes I’ll totally and completely blow it. I read a fellow blogger’s post titled “What we say to our kids becomes their inner voice as an adult.”** Now that’s a daunting thought and a whole separate post, but, I can trust the One who made me to redeem my mistakes, hold my hand through the tough times, and cheer me on if I, duck that I am, follow Him. “You be you with Christ in you,”*** to quote one of my wisest friends.
Children are precious and precocious, snuggly and snarky, predictable one minute and “Wait, you did what?!” the next. Mine are all swimming their own course and I really wouldn’t want it any other way. The only hard fast place I want my ducks in a row is at the feet of our Creator. Then, I want them to go out and live their best life—in Him. My job is to point the way.
Take heart, Mom. You’ve got this. And, if you need help, He’s always listening.
Blessings!
*To A Mouse by Robert Burns
**Valerie Fentress IG @fentressvalerie
***Melodye Reeves Twitter @melodyedr, sodakotagal.wordpress.com
