If you know my toddler, you know that he is running on full throttle from the minute he wakes up in the morning to the minute he closes his eyes at night. I am thoroughly convinced that he believes sitting still for longer than a two-minute period is illegal or unnatural in some way. If I sit down, I can become any number of things: an opponent in a wrestling match I did not sign up for, a jungle gym with a face, or a rope my toddler tugs on until I relinquish my right to relaxation and ultimately get up. And I think a lot of toddler moms, especially boy mamas, can relate to the feeling. Toddlers are just built different, honestly. You never know what to expect from one minute to the next.
And lately our life has been a little more off kilter. We’ve been traveling a lot more than usual lately. We’ve had some family health issues come up which has kept my husband away from being home as often as he usually is. We just haven’t been in the same routine lately and my sweet, perceptive boy senses that something is off in some way. You know how I know that? The last few days, my son has been asking me to sit down. ASKING. ME. TO. SIT. DOWN. I honestly thought it was a fluke the first time he asked, so I went about finishing washing the dishes and loading the dishwasher. But then he came over to me, tugged on my shirt, and said, “mommy, please sit down.” He pulled me into the living room and asked to watch Toy Story. He wanted me to sit down and watch his favorite movie with him. He brought in his favorite blanket and his favorite Buzz Lightyear and Sheriff Woody buddies, and got comfortable on the couch. Immediately, my mind went to my to-do list and what I was behind on with cleaning and errands. I really needed to vacuum and mop. Laundry needed to be folded and put away. All of those things needed to be done, but my son needed me more. And so, I sat down. I snuggled up with my baby and we watched Toy Story 2. He sat still, he was quiet, and he asked me multiple times, “You okay, mama?”
Kids, especially toddlers, are more perceptive than we give them credit for. They notice things we think they won’t. They pick up on the emotions and moods of others around them that they may not even fully understand themselves. They can sense when things are off in their home, with their routine, or with the grown-ups in their lives. They also feel the effects of our mood changes and they may not be able to communicate that to us in the ways we do with another adult or an older child. My son’s way of reaching out to me was asking me to sit down and watch a movie with him. He can’t come up to me and say, “Mom, I notice there’s been a lot more stress on you and dad and I’m feeling it too”. He can’t come up to me and let me know all the big feelings he’s having and why. But he can ask me to snuggle and watch a movie, or play his favorite game, or read his favorite book. For right now, this is his way of communicating that he is feeling different or unlike himself in some way and it’s up to me to teach myself to recognize that and help him find out what would make him feel better. Sometimes that means pushing the cleaning and the errands to another day in exchange for snuggles and Sheriff Woody.
Mamas, I encourage you to find out what your kids are really trying to communicate with you. Your kindergartener may have had a hard day at school and instead of sitting down and talking about it she may just ask you to play with her. Your middle schooler may have struggled on an assignment but all he asks you to do is play his favorite song on the way home. Sometimes kids speak a different language when it comes to emotions, but if we really try then I know we have a better chance of becoming fluent in what helps our kids get through whatever they may be feeling.
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