You’ll soon be a kindergartener. I registered you for kindergarten today. How did we get here so fast? I remember so vividly the road we were on that finally lead us to you. Then, after we had you in our arms, it seemed as though you’ve always been with us. The perfect fit for our family. Though the journey was long to get you here, from the time that you arrived until now seems like a blink of an eye. Why does the baby stage have to be so fast? It seemed like such a whirlwind that I feel like it’s hard to remember how small you were, your tiny little finger and toes, what you smelled like, your sweet coos, your little no-teeth grin. And suddenly here we are moving into a new stage of life where you are somewhat independent from me, and it’s so bittersweet.
It’s so hard to let you go. I know I must put aside my own feelings and let you fly, let you go and do and learn, but my mama heart wants to hold onto that little baby, the little baby who I can barely even see anymore. On one hand I want to crawl into a ball and ugly cry and ask God where did my baby go? On the other hand, I’m excited to watch you soar.
This is a time where a shift in my perspective helps. While I could sit here and dwell on the fact that the years are flying by and you don’t need me as much as you used to, I also need to remember that this is a really big step in your life. It’s a privilege for us to be here. To watch you grow, learn, be excited for new adventures, to become more yourself than an extension of me. It’s amazing to watch you learn new things. You are so eager and determined. You inspire me to want to learn more myself.
I wasn’t sure how I would feel when we got to this point. Then again, I wasn’t sure how I would feel at the beginning of any transition we have been through. Obviously, I knew to expect to feel like my heart was being pulled in two totally different directions, a feeling of certainty that you are not a baby anymore and another feeling of loving watching you grow. Rather than keeping my focus on this being the end of a huge part of your little life, I remind myself to focus on it being a new beginning, the beginning of an exciting chapter. May I stay ever present in the moment, especially during this phase, and not allow it to be overshadowed with sadness that you don’t need me as much as you used to.
Do you remember recently when a bird built a nest in one of my flowerpots? We watched that mama bird stay in her nest, protecting her eggs. Then we watched the baby birds when they hatched and how the mama bird fed them and cared for them. What a sweet and special experience for us to watch. You learned so much, and so did I. Those baby birds grew up, and gained strength to spread their wings and fly. We were so excited to watch those baby birds fly from their nest. Did the mama bird feel this same bittersweet feeling that I have right now? I guess watching the mama bird and her babies came at just the right time for us. A gentle reminder that we are going through a similar transition. It’s time for you to spread your wings, to learn new things, to meet new people, to spread joy to others, to fly. I will cheer you on, it may be through many tears, but I will cheer, I will clap, I will encourage, and I will be here, watching you shine that beautiful light of yours.
I hope this new season of life is your best season yet. I hope and pray that we all adjust well and learn from this new adventure.
