“You need to turn on the television.” That’s what Kent said when I answered the phone. I could not have imagined what came next.
I homeschooled each of our kids individually for one year before they reached junior high school. My goals were to concentrate on any areas of study where they might be falling short of their potential, encourage them in their spiritual growth, and just spend some one-on-0ne time getting to know them better, having fun with them. We wanted to make sure they realized that we were all on the same team and enter their teenage years with everything going for them that we could possibly contribute, solidify our family relationship, and assure them we were in their corner.
It was the middle one’s turn. The day of the phone call was his eleventh birthday and I had let him sleep in. All three of our kids enjoyed the benefits of homeschool, but all three also bemoaned the fact that, though their teacher might occasionally let them attend class in their pajamas, she made them do schoolwork even on sick days, birthdays, etc. if they were able, and this birthday morning, we had planned a late start. So, after I got the girls off to school, the teacher also went back to bed.
After the phone call woke us up, we turned on the TV and watched as the twin towers came down. The remainder of that day was spent huddling together in the recliner in front of the television watching the news as they played the footage over and over and the story unfolded. When Kent and the girls got home, we ate a tasteless version of the traditional birthday dinner, but took time to watch the President speak before we ate the cake. We hugged each other, cried, prayed, and tried, with the rest of the nation, to make sense of what was happening, our son’s birthday forever overshadowed by the horror of it all.
In the first years afterward, it was difficult not to feel guilty celebrating a birthday on such a terrible anniversary. But we did our best to help our children cope, realize that life must go on, and understand that even with the tragedy, it was okay to be happy again. Over time, it has gotten easier, but it has been a long process.
I like to run each morning. My route varies, but, I inevitably pass at least one school. Sometimes it seems the flags are at half-mast more often than not. The heaviness that descends on my own heart causes me to wonder how it affects today’s kids. It causes me to wonder how we can help them make sense of all the tragedies in our modern world, how to give them hope. I’ve prayed and wondered, prayed and pondered, and prayed and searched, and, while I continue seek answers I may never have, I can find comfort in one truth. God is Love.
Our Creator made us in His image. He made us for relationship, not as robots, but as spiritual beings with the ability to choose between right and wrong. He gave us clear direction in His word, the Bible. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength…Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:30-31) But, since He gives us a choice, some (actually most) will choose not to do so. And so our world will have tragedy, wars, bullies, and all the bad we can imagine.
With this, however, He “gives us hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11), He is “our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1), and He has said “never will I leave you, never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). So, even though those who choose to follow Him whole-heartedly will have tragedy, they will never be alone or without hope.
That is “the way and the truth and the life” (John 14:6) we have introduced our children to, the hope we have pointed them to, the answer we have given them to every question they have ever asked. Not a religion, but a relationship. With God. With Love.
And so, on this anniversary, I am saying to my middle one, “Happy Birthday. Have Hope.” Tweaking the words of Ann Voskamp a bit, “God is always good and you are always loved.”
You are indeed very loved, my Son.
Mom
(All Scripture NIV from Biblegateway.com)
