Retreat.
Dictionary.com defines “retreat” as “a place of refuge, seclusion, or privacy.” It also speaks about “retreat” in terms of “withdrawal.”
That’s what I found that I needed in this season of life and motherhood.
My husband and I recently went on a weekend retreat so that we can focus on ourselves as individuals, focus on ourselves as a married couple, to take time away from home and responsibilities, and to just get a break.
It was needed and it was necessary.
As all mothers do, I found myself slipping more and more into the to-dos: the care taking, the meal planning, the house cleaning. The list could go on.
I found myself thinking about who I am as a PERSON. Not as a wife. Not as a mom. But as Laura Lynn. And I found that I didn’t have much to say.
I asked myself, “What do I like to do for fun?”… and my mind went blank. I couldn’t really come up with anything right away, at least nothing beyond the typical routine of life.
(I asked my husband and my sister the same question and they were able to respond immediately.)
No shame in this, right? We all find ourselves there at one time or another.
But, I wasn’t going to let it just be. I wasn’t going to allow this season to just flow as it may. I wanted to do something about it.
I knew I needed to get away, without the kids, without the responsibilities so that I could have the time, the physical space, and the brain space to actually think and reflect on life: who I’m called to be and what I do with that calling.
So, for three days and two nights, my husband and I went on retreat.
This retreat was where I could withdraw to be alone with myself and my thoughts. It was a place of refuge. I had moments of seclusion when I could have the time and space to just think. And I had the privacy to be me, to be Laura Lynn. Not someone’s mom. But just me.
How refreshing it was.
Yes, my husband and I focused a good bit on our marriage, but this was honey to my lips as this area was beginning to slide, too.
What I learned during this time of withdrawal is that I need the time and the space to just be me. I need the time and the space to go deep in my thoughts to really contemplate life and the things that are important to me… beyond the daily to-dos.
What makes me “me” is that I’m deep. I think deep. I dig deep. I go deep. But I need the brain space, the physical space, and the emotional space to actually do that. Without that, I get lost. And if I’m lost, well what’s the point?
I share this with you because I know you’re either there right now, you’ve been there in the past, or you’ll be there sometime in the future.
But, I also share this with you because we as women, and as moms, need to encourage each other and to support each other in doing things that really matter.
Was it hard to leave the kids? Yes.
Was it difficult dealing with typical life once I got back? You bet.
Was it uncomfortable at moments to actually go deep, to go there, and to feel those emotions? Sure.
But it’s worth it.
Why?
Because when you know who you are, when you know more about yourself and you understand yourself, life makes more sense. It’s sweeter.
And, I believe that when we are able to be our true and authentic selves, we are better PEOPLE, we are better WIVES, and we are better MOTHERS.
We show up differently.
So, if you want that meaning and that purpose, go within. Give yourself the space, give yourself the grace, and give yourself the time to go within.
Your kids, your husband, and more importantly, yourself will thank you for it.
