Throughout my years in the behavior world I’ve taught countless parents, teachers, and staff on how to use reward systems. From simple rewards systems at home to token systems to behavior contracts, I’ve seen how rewards can produce positive effects for both the child and the parent.
A toddler learns to go pee pee on the potty.
An older child stays in his bed at night.
The whining and the tantrums go down.
Mama reclaims some of her sanity because, well, parenting just got a heck of a lot easier because of a simple reward system.
Yes, of course, you have to implement the reward system correctly to see some positive results. A lot of times parents will confess that “rewards don’t work. My kid is still having all of those tantrums,” but the truth is, they can work and they do work if we just have the patience to allow them to work.
As a mama to a toddler, I haven’t needed to implement a reward system with my now three year-old except for the typical rewards used within potty training. I knew the day would come when I would see that a reward system would be the perfect solution to an unwanted behavior… and boy, how true that is!
I have an active three year-old (who doesn’t?!) and naptime has morphed into Mr. Crazy Man jumping off of his bed and “splashing” into the “water” on his bedroom floor.
As any parent would, I’d go into his room and put him back to bed. I’d have to do this a few times but he would then settle down and go to sleep.
It didn’t become an urgent problem until he was being too loud I was afraid he’d wake little sister from her nap, I was having to go into his room WAY more than I wanted, I’d have to lay with him sometimes to get him to calm down, and my time to myself was being interrupted beyond the amount that I could handle.
The decision to give a reward system a shot for this specific situation was truly divine. This solution basically presented itself.
You see, my son came home from Grandma and Grandpa’s with a new box of Paw Patrol Band-Aids. I was getting my son ready for nap and, of course, he wanted one of those Band-Aids.
“Okay, let’s give this a shot,” I thought.
So, I told him that he could earn one of those Paw Patrol Band-Aids (even though he didn’t “need” one and didn’t have a boo boo) if he stayed in his bed at nap, was quiet, and fell asleep without mom.
Of course I played up the reward, asking him which Band-Aid he wanted to choose when he woke up from his nap, getting him excited and motivated to earn that Band-Aid.
Once I put him down for nap, I only had to go into his room one time to get him back into bed. I reminded him about what he needed to do to earn his Band-Aid and that he had one more chance. If I had to come back into his room, he wouldn’t earn his Band-Aid after his nap.
(Given that this was the first time to use this reward system, allowing one “mess-up” made sense… I can’t expect him to be perfect on the first try.)
He easily and quietly fell asleep on his own, I did my happy dance and enjoyed my peace and quiet, and he earned his Band-Aid.
And the next two days? I didn’t have to go into his room ONCE! He quietly fell asleep and earned a new Band-Aid.
There’s a lot I can say about using reward systems at home. What I want you to remember is that they are a positive strategy and they can be really, really easy to use. It’s a matter of being patient, not overcomplicating it, and following some general guidelines.
How empowering it is to get some of your sanity back easily with a simple reward system!
