Before I got married I knew that it would be important to find a spouse who would support me in my goals and dreams, be a leader in our family, and be a present father for our children.Yet, I didn’t fully understand how important these qualities in a spouse would be until Michael and I had children of our own.
You see, I’ve always been an independent type. Growing up, I was the mature kid, wise beyond my years. I spent a lot of time around my older siblings or adults, and I was the responsible babysitter of the neighborhood – starting around the age of ten!
I’m used to relying on myself, I have a difficult time seeking or accepting help, and I usually prefer to have everything under my control.
But with babies comes vulnerability, humility, and a natural shedding of the traits that make you “hard” and “independent.”
After I had my first child, this “shedding” process began slowly. Like a lot of mamas, I tried to do things on my own. My husband was very helpful but I honestly didn’t allow him to do everything that he would have been more than willing to do. Instead, I just kept on pushing forward.
But with a second baby and a business well underway, I felt a much fuller presence of this shedding process. I was asking for help more, I wasn’t ashamed or afraid to be open and vulnerable for my needs as a mama and an individual, and I advocated more for the things that I really needed.
As our first child is now two-and-a-half and our second baby is now eight months old, the parenting teamwork that my husband and I have truly is what makes our family dream work.
When I’m at my wits-end with the toddler whining or the baby hair pulling (oh, that hair pulling drives me crazy!), my spouse jumps in and he takes over so I can have a break before I pull my own hair out.
When my husband has had enough with potty training or the baby is extra fussy, I come flying in to the rescue.
It’s the perfect tag-team.
Because, let’s be real: there are plenty of moments that as parents and spouses, we aren’t in our best shape to handle every little thing that comes our way. Sometimes we need to tag out, take a break, regroup, and jump back into the ring.
And sometimes, my mama brain has taken over, I can’t think straight, and I’m trying to do 30 things at once.
I can’t operate perfectly or fully 100% of the time.
My husband and I have learned each other’s cues really well. We know when we need to jump in to help our spouse and when we need to step back, and we do this without prompting or without requesting. It just happens.
But, we aren’t perfect. I still struggle with asking for help. I still feel guilty for not being able to handle it all. I still feel like I could do everything on my own and be okay.
Yet, I understand that true growth comes from being real with yourself, accepting your weaknesses, and moving forward.
So now, I’m thankful to my younger self who was mature enough and wise enough to understand enough the importance of having a spouse who is a partner in crime, who is giving, who is selfless, who is present, and who is a leader.
I guess that independent and wise beyond my years girl proved me well.
