10 Commandments Of a Hot Mess Mom

Not being the perfect mom troubled me from the start. Once I stopped and looked around me, I noticed that others had the same struggles, insecurities, and fears that I have. I believe one of my strongest gifts is the gift of honesty. The more I opened up about how I was feeling about my lack of perfection to other mothers, I repeatedly heard “Oh my goodness me too!”. 

My name is Alecia Jameson and I am a Hot Mess Mother. My Mess Maker is Colt “Beast” Jameson. I have seen the light and accepted my hot messiness, these commandments have been revealed to.  me. I am here to spread the love, laughs, and acceptance to all hot mess mothers.

10. Thou Shall Congregate at thy local Target

We all know the Target effect. Somehow when visiting Target, there are hot mess mothers as far as the eye can see. I was not even a fan of Target, until I became a mom. Now I somehow magically end up there at least once a week for no apparent reason.

You will see two versions of the hot mess here. First are those blessed ones as they have managed to escape the mess maker, leaving them with the co-creator, to enjoy time alone. You will see those lucky few sniffing candles, staring longingly at clothes that non-hot messes wear, and more than likely buying something for the Lord of the Mess, for he is always present in the hearts of those who love them.

The courageous ones can also be seen. They are those who have brought the mess maker with them. The Mess Maker will be doing what they do best, making a mess, causing a scene, and probably crying. Blessed are the mothers who try to share the love of the holy store with the Messy One.  

 9. Coffee shall be forgotten and then consumed cold.

Make cup of coffee, and forget. Heat up coffee and place on counter, and forget. Heat up coffee and place on living

room end table, and forget. Relent and drink it cold, have Mess Maker throw something in cup, or knock over table spilling coffee. And repeat…

8. Laundry should be washed at least thrice. Because you cannot remember to put it in the dryer

Sometimes you do remember to put the laundry in the dryer, but you are already in bed. Do not waste precious sleep time on forgotten laundry. For the Mess will only destroy them with food, outdoors and mysterious stickiness that seems to appear out of thin air.

7. Dinner shall be obtained without leaving thy motorized vehicle, and you shall have no shame, for the Mess Maker will only eat chicken nuggets anyways

Let us find honesty within ourselves. You can slave over a hot stove preparing a 5-course meal and thy child will request the nuggets from a chicken and noodles covered in cheese. 

6. Arrival shall always be delayed by no less than 10 minutes for all events

Only because it is not acceptable to take children places naked. All shall proceed to wrestle the wild boar that the Mess transforms into when restrictive wear (i.e. underpants)  is required.

5. Hair shall be cleansed with the divine dry shampoo

If you care to cleanse your hair at all. Dry shampoo is the cleansing powdery plume sent from the promised land, also known as Target. (See commandment 10)

4. Fruit of the box will be supped from a Paw Patrol cup

You are poor, you are tired, and you have not done the dishes. Drink the cheap stuff from the only drinkware you bother to keep clean, since if you do not have at least 5 versions of the same cartoon cup ready to go, chaos will ensue as you will have insulted thy Messiness.

 No job too big… no wine too cheap… 

***For those drinkers of the non-fermented fruit. Same commandments apply, unless the fruit is available in a box with a bendy straw. Always choose  the bendy straw. 

3. Don thy yoga pants with pride

You are wearing pants. The day has been won and thou shall proclaim victory. Yoga pants, you can chase your Mess in them, you can.

2. Thou shalt not judge other mothers

This should not even be a thing that needs to be said anymore. No Mess is messier or less messy than another Mess Maker’s. If you are Pinterest-Perfect, or the Hottest Mess of them all. We are all on this journey together and none will be happy if we are in a constant state of judgement. We were all perfect parents before having children, and now we are all perfectly imperfect in our own special ways.

1. Thou shall love thy Mess Maker above all

Whether you are the creator of your Mess or your Mess can to you by other means, you have been entrusted to care for one of the most precious things possible. As long as your child is happy, loved and cared for, you have done everything right. Messes show that a mind is growing, a child is exploring, and that love is impossible to contain within your heart.