No one told me this was going to happen when potty training my own kid. No research article. No textbook. No blog post. No podcast episode. No social media post. Nothing.
As a behavior analyst AND a parent, I’ve got a different worldview of parenting than most parents.
I know what the research shows.
I know the best practices that we can use with our kids to prevent unwanted behaviors. I know how to handle, or at least know specific strategies to try, to deal with more than a handful of common child behaviors or parenting problems. I know how to potty train.
But when it comes to potty training your own kid, no one prepared me for this.
It was day four of potty training. John Paul had made so many gains in potty training up to that point. I was feeling proud of him and confident in our progress to this point. But, sometimes life just happens.
He was tired (because potty training is actually really demanding work for a two-year-old) and I was tired. I mean, I was “on the clock” the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed, not only potty training him, but also continuing with the regular household duties. The baby needed to be fed, the kitchen needed to be cleaned, dinner needed to be prepped. The list can go on.
John Paul needed a break and so did mommy.
I was getting frustrated simply because I was exhausted. My positive attention and praise was waning. I was being impatient and acting out in frustration, not only because my kiddo wasn’t doing as well with potty training as he previously had been, but because I was irritated with myself, that I couldn’t perform as I knew I should.
It became clear to me that it was time for a break. John Paul needed a break from the demands of potty training and mama needed a break so she could regroup and continue forward.
So on day five, on a Wednesday, we took a break. No potty training that day. Just regular life.
The scientist in me was kicking and screaming because we don’t take breaks. We follow the procedures and plan as outlined. We push forward.
But the mama (and human!) in me said, “No, slow down. Take a minute. Give you and your kiddo a chance to breathe and regroup.”
That’s what we did.
It was 100% the right thing to do for me and my kiddo in the moment. We got a day’s break and jumped back into potty training on the following day.
And, of course, my mama’s gut was right all along. Once we jumped back into potty training, after an only one day break, we were both set and ready to go.
John Paul made more strides and gains on that day and my positivity and praise was back in full swing. It was a completely different potty training experience for both of us. It looked easy for him. He wasn’t tired, and it appeared he was enjoying his successes.
And for me? Well, the doubts and the worries and the frustrations were gone. I felt confident, at ease, and relaxed, and I actually enjoyed potty training. A world of difference.
But, I have to say that I am ever thankful for this specific experience with my son on our potty training journey. It taught me that it’s okay to take a break if you need it, to trust your mama gut (because it’s usually right), and to give yourself grace and patience because this parenting stuff, yeah, it’s hard!
And, as a parent and professional who helps other parents potty train their kids, I understand you, I feel you, I get you… in an entirely different way now.
Our parenting mindset, our parenting energy, yeah it’s a beast, but it can serve us for the good if we let it.
Read more from the author here.
