King, Party of Five

Kyle and I made the decision early in our marriage that adoption would be part of our story. We assumed we would pursue an international adoption because the need is truly so great and is to this day. We began to pray and seek wise counsel as we drew closer to taking steps towards adoption.  We leaned into the Father and we prayed a prayer that kind of went like “anything and anywhere and anyone…in your name and for your name.” This prayer ushered in a season of tremendous growth and humble obedience, which ultimately led to one of the greatest journeys of our lives.

The same summer we began planning and preparing our hearts for adoption, I did a Bible Study which allowed me to examine my privilege and my excess. I was a little horrified over the amount of stuff in my life sitting in closets and storage containers that had not been seen or touched in years. I was more than a little horrified when I also began to realize how many children right here in Lee County were going to bed hungry for food and love.  God opened my eyes in a fresh way to the power of my privilege and challenged me to be a doer of His word and live in such a way that people can’t miss Him in my life. I wrestled with questions that went something like, “what is all of this for if not to bring hope and joy and love…how can I use my home and my stuff and my food and my heart for more than my comfort and our joy?” We deeply realized a shift was coming and we were equal parts expectant and terrified.

God also allowed me to become completely captivated by the lives of some families in our community who were taking such a risk with their hearts and living in such abundant faith that I was totally mesmerized. Women like Kelly Cox and Angie Brown, who were foster parents and had multiple children in their homes who they might not ever see forever with but they loved and served and cared for with radical abandon. I began to pay attention to the work of Blake and Micah Melnick (BigHouse Foundation) and I listened to them as they explained the quality of life of children who enter care. I became a student of anyone who gave themselves over to the care and betterment of those in foster care. I was undone in the most life giving and beautiful way. I wanted more and I wanted to be part of the solution.

I called DHR and asked ridiculous questions because I didn’t know any better but the voice on the other end of the phone was patient and answered the best she could. We received our application in the mail a few days later and I took pictures of us filling it out, because I knew this was one of the most important decisions we would ever make. We did all of this without telling any of our family and very few friends. We were well aware of the stigma attached to foster care and we knew we needed to make this decision with the Lord. We mailed in our application on July 3, 2013 and we told our family on July 4th. We were met with the most incredible grace and love and support. The Lord went before us and made a way and cleared a path and prepared a harvest in a way that only He could.

We took our classes and we filled out pages of paperwork, did our medicals, and we prepared for our home studies. We talked at length our with oldest child, who was 5 years old at the time. We talked about the least of these and how precious they are to God. We talked about loss and hardship and the necessity of standing in the gap when a child needs a home. Kyle and I originally filled out paperwork that said we were interested in adoption only…meaning we would only take placements when parental rights were already terminated. Checking that box made it feel less risky and less terrifying but it also didn’t feel like it was the kind of “anything, anyone, anywhere” prayer we prayed. We went back to our social worker and changed out status from adoption only to foster to adopt. The terminology may seem quite similar but the difference for us was faith. It is perfectly wonderful to adopt a child whose rights have been terminated…that’s just not what was asked of us. God told us to get in the trenches of foster care and give love away like we were made of it.

Nine months after we received our certification in the mail, we got a phone call that would change our lives forever. It went something like, “There is a baby boy who is 3 days old and we are looking for a long term foster home for him…would you be interested?”  The days following are still kind of a blur, but what I remember most is the village of people who surrounded us. We had friends coming to drop off diapers, family members purchasing baby equipment, BigHouse Foundation opening the doors for us to get bedding and bottles and whatever else we needed to equip our home for this little gift. The two women who I watched walk their own foster care journeys came alongside me and poured wisdom and hope and encouragement and caution over my heart. Our Bear man was nine days old when he landed in my arms and the peace I that swept me up could only have come from Jesus. The next two years were full of ups and downs and confusion and elation and so much waiting. We weathered it with the support of our family and friends and mentors and prayer warriors and we never felt alone. It was hard and there were certainly times of doubt and frustration, but never once did we wrestle over the certainty of our place in Bear’s life.

Bear was in our home for two years and seventeen days before we adopted him. Three weeks to the day of Bear’s adoption, we got another phone call…his little sister was born and DHR called to see if we would be willing to be her long term foster home. We prayed something like, “we said anything, anyone, anywhere and if this little lady is part of this whole plan…we are in.” Six days later, our girl was released from the hospital and entered our homes and hearts. Our oldest son (Miles) was seven years old and had just come out of a long two year wait for his brother. Miles had lots of questions and concerns but gave a resounding “YES, we have to,” when asked about taking our girl. You see, this whole process allowed Miles to see the gospel in action and it allowed him to put others before himself. We will forever be grateful for the many gifts of foster care but what God has allowed to blossom in Miles’ heart is at the top of the list.

One year and three months after our Evy girl entered our home, she became ours forever through the gift of adoption. Adoption is a beautiful tension of sorrow and joy and not one moment or emotion was lost on us. We are still foster parents to this day and we have been so thankful for the littles who have been with us for weeks or months at a time. We don’t feel that we chose foster care…we believe that foster care was chosen for us by a Holy God who is before all things and in Him all things are held together. We lost so much of ourselves through the process…the ugly stuff, the stuff that lies deep in our hearts that we never want to see the light of day, the junk that held us back from living fully.  Every path to adoption is a sacred road paved by radical love…international, domestic, foster to adopt, adopting children who are waiting to be adopted through the state, etc. We celebrate all means to bring children to their forever homes…we hope that through our story many come to realize what a beautiful path Foster Care truly is. If you are looking for ways to support families who are fostering or adopting through foster care…please checkout BigHouse Foundation (ourbighouse.org) we are not all called to foster or adopt but we can all be part of the solution.