Magic in the Mess

In our home, we do not live in absolutes. We have really beautiful and life-giving moments and we have brutally hard moments that have been known to take our breath away. We now know and live in a space of “both.” We realize that the beautiful and the hard can coexist in the same breath. We have had the opportunity to retrain our brains to see the world in a new way, which allows us to give grace when we would have ascribed meaning to every bump and pit we hit along the way. I want to be the kind of mom who lives for the now and not the future. I want to see the light in today and not just at the end of my parenting tunnel. I say this with the understanding that some of us live in more chaos than peace and I realize how lovely the words are and how tough the intentional action is to make this happen. The creator of the universe will bring the sun up and down each day and with that will come with natural changes for my little people. My job is to press on each day with a delight and desire and let God bring about new seasons as He sees fit.

We are knee deep in various therapies for our three kiddos and I spend much of my day working on schedules and implementing tools we have learned along the way.  We are in the thick of intentional parenting which looks a lot like breaking up squabbles and trying to convince the two year old that potty training is fun. We are doing our best to get in the trenches with each kid and be present in whatever challenge they are facing. We are exhausted by bedtime and we are usually apologizing to someone because we have not been patient and kind. We take every opportunity to tell our kids that we are deeply imperfect and we remind them regularly that we will mess up and so will they. It is common practice in our home to have family meetings where we discuss a particular outing or situation in which we could we have all done better. Our collective goal is never perfection, our goal is to give our best selves to one another and apologize on days when we can’t. Truly, what we are reaching for most is to raise two men and a little lady who can give and receive grace, offer mercy instead of judgement, and be present with their people in good times and bad.

In order to maintain sanity and balance during all the big moments life is awarding us, we try to stay strong in a couple of non-negotiables.  Here are the things that work in our home to help keep Mama’s mind healthy and strong…

1. Love and pursue God more than I love and pursue my people. This could seem harsh or confusing for some but God is my source and without my source I have nothing to offer my people.
2. Nap. No explanation necessary.
3. Dry shampoo. I have given myself permission to embrace the days of a high pony, t-shirt, and yoga pants (basically everyday for me).
4. Connecting with my real people in my everyday life. Sharing my whole truth and being willing to be vulnerable and teachable.
5. Early bedtimes. Mama and Daddy need time at the end of each day and Mama can’t stay up past 10 p.m.
6. Giving up distractions that put my kids in a position of inconvenience. There will be a season of quiet and rest and endless opportunities to scroll social media or read a book. There can be moments of such now, but they are few and far between. Knowing the balance is key.
7. Allowing myself to be poured into by women who have experienced more than I have and know more than I know.
8. Dancing. So much dancing.
9. Suit up and show up everyday with the confidence that a new mercy has already been delivered.
10. Grace for me and grace for those who are mine.

Stopping to acknowledge the gifts of each day is not always natural or organic in seasons of chaos. It is usually our bend to list the reasons we are stressed or overwhelmed. I believe it is important to be aware of both…let both exist. Face the hard and at the same time let the beauty wash over and sustain. This is a discipline I have cultivated, and it seems more like breathing than it does work at this point. Remaining mindful that these truly are the days make the days purpose filled and photo worthy. Running through the sprinkler with my kids after a hard fought day in the trenches is the reward for facing the hard and believing in the good. The magic is now and the mess is what makes it so spectacular.