If you’ve been a parent very long, especially if you’ve shared any of your parenting struggles with someone else, you have probably been told, “This, too, shall pass.” It’s easy to get annoyed with people when they say this. After all, while it’s true, it doesn’t really help us with the current situation. But I have found three ways that the “this too shall pass” principle has helped me as a parent.
This Part Won’t Last Forever
I had my first child when I was 27, and I found it kind of hard to adapt to being a mom. I was unprepared for how much my baby would need me, how much he would cry. Like most new mothers, I didn’t really comprehend how much my life would change as a parent until it already had. The changes were overwhelming to me. I can remember very distinctly one day thinking to myself for the first time that I actually was looking forward to being 40–because that would mean that my needy baby would be older and more self-sufficient.
But that thought ended up being very useful to me…”This baby won’t always need me this much.” In other words, “It won’t be this hard forever.” That kind of reasoning has always been able to help get me through challenges. Even when I was in labor, I told myself, “I can do anything for one day.” When I realized that the intensity of the newborn period wouldn’t last forever, it felt more manageable to me. And the same thing applies to having a threenager, or a moody twelve-year-old. And now as a parent to two teenagers, I know that there will always be challenges, but they will change. This particular challenge is only for a little while.
This Is Just a Moment
Another little twist on this idea took me a bit longer to learn. I found it easy to get lost in the present moment as a new parent. When my baby had a day when he seemed fussy all day, or if he seemed to want to breastfeed non-stop, my brain would interpret it as the new normal. “I can’t take it if he’s going to be this fussy from now on,” I would think.
I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out that how my baby was today wasn’t usually the start of a new phase. It was just, you know, TODAY. When I finally realized that if he was really fussy one or two days, he would probably be happier again soon, it was a game changer for me. Since then, I’ve learned that a lot of parents use apps that predict when developmental leaps are likely to make your baby cranky or unpredictable for a few days. I truly believe that knowing “this is just for a few days” can make all the difference in the world.
This Will Be Over Before You Know It
Bless my first child’s heart, I was constantly eager for him to learn the next skill. I aggressively worked to help him learn to fall asleep on his own, going from rocking and singing him to sleep, to just singing and holding him, to singing while he lay in his crib and I stood with a hand on him, to singing without a hand on him, to singing from across the room, to singing one song and sitting in the room, to singing one song and sitting outside the room…oh, my, what a process! But I DID it.
But by the time my third child was born, I knew already how fast those years with a little child would fly by. She is now eight, and I still lie down with her while she falls asleep every night, because one day, she will probably not want me there while she drifts off. Even if I do this until she is grown and out of the house, it’s only a short while. And we talk about all the most important thoughts that she’s thinking in that few minutes in the dark, when her mind is relaxing for sleep. I cling to those moments, because I am all too aware that “This, too, shall pass.”
So in whatever way it serves you, whether to remember that this hard part won’t last forever, or that this rough moment is just that–a moment, or as a reminder to embrace and drink in the time that you have, just remember: This, too, shall pass.
