“There is no beast, no rush of fire, like a woman untamed.”- Aristophanes
So I stumbled upon (read: googled specifically for this post), this philosopher guy in Ancient Greece who wrote poetry and plays. I can’t quite tell you what he is trying to get at here, but I can tell you what I am going to use this quote for, I plan to describe myself as “woman untamed” because it sounds so much better than saying I suck at being a domestic mother and wife. I’m a slob and I know it. I also didn’t marry the neatest man, I’m the mother to a child called Beast, and I love animals, so we have a bit of a mini zoo in our house and one of those animals being a sweet new pupper who hasn’t got the whole house training down yet.
So with working 40 hours a week, having a toddler, having a husband who works rotating shifts so he is not always home, graduate school, and just because I clearly was not busy enough, signed up to contribute to this blog. My main goal daily is that all living things in my home are still living at the end of the day. Cleaning house, exercising, eating healthy, cooking said healthy meals, and a long list of things that I as a wife, mother, and generally as a woman feel is my responsibility. Even though I find myself not adhering to the typical woman gender roles (no judgement if you do. You do you boo boo!), I cannot help but feel within my soul the sadness of my foremothers as I have disappointed them with my inability to iron correctly. My estrogen levels lower every time dinner consists of something made solely in the microwave. I am un-domesticated. More so, I am un-domesticable, because, well, I just don’t want to be.
Thankfully, we live in 2019 and there are some pretty nifty gadgets to help me stay on top of things. I will be covering two of my favorite gadgets and telling you why I think it is worth to throw some money at some technology if it means saving your sanity, and combating some mom/wife guilt.
***Side note: I have a quirky habit of naming inanimate objects.****
ROOMBA AKA: Murda 
I debated getting this robot for the longest time. I mean vacuuming is not that hard right? Why should I invest in something to do a task that was so easy? Truth is that, though it is easy, I just wasn’t doing it. Like, ever. Tumbleweeds consisting of dust, dirt, and hair rolled through my living room. Riding a post-holiday mayhem high, I caved after seeing an amazing deal post-Christmas from the Holy Store, i.e. Target. It arrived all shiny and new. It comes with a nifty app so I can start my robot for anywhere, and asked me for a name. The machine was then dubbed “Murda” because he was about to murder some dust bunnies in my house. Murda ripped through my house on is first murderous rampage, gliding seamlessly under end table and couches, back to his home base with a triumphant ding when done. I am in love.
Murda does have his drawbacks. Cats and dogs are terrified of him. He occasionally gets stuck and needs to be rescued. The biggest issue of them all is that he has a shiny glowing green button on top that attracts little toddler fingers. Cleaning times have to be appropriately schedule or the only thing will happen is my son will block the path and repeatedly press the on/off button.
LITTER-ROBOT AKA: Poopinator
As I stated above, we have a mini zoo, and part of that mini zoo is our three cats, Soot, Ace, and Mufasa (who is a girl but that is a whole other story about my husband not being able to gender identify a cat properly). We have a TON of pooping happening in our litter boxes. They like to have poop wars. One cat goes in to
stink it up, the other decides it should smell like them, and repeat. No one in our house wants to clean the litter boxes, besides the 2 dogs and their “method” is not very healthy. So I invested an obscene about of money into my new self-cleaning litter box. Yes, there are cheaper models out there, but I am one of those pet mommas. Only the best of the best, top of the line, Cadillac of poop boxes for my little stinkers. This machine has earned the name THE POOPINATOR, it is large, in charge, and clearly came from the future. It is big, it is strong, and I’m pretty sure I am in love. This toilet box is shaped like a globe, and when one of my kitties trips the sensor, it waits 15 minutes to gracefully rotate to deposit all of the kitty clumps in to a nice little drawer. Out of sight, out of mind, out of my nose!! Poopinator also send me a notification of when the drawer needs to be changed, and also notifications every time one of my babies drops off a package. This helps me know if something is up health-wise and if the Poopinator has an extra busy or slow day. The day I began using the Poopinator, the heavens parted and angels began to sing. While you may judge me for this investment, I couldn’t be happier with it.
No robot is perfect. No technology can replace a human, but for this busy mom, I will take whatever help I can get. I would love to be the mom who does it all but I can’t be. I want to conquer the world and take my son with me while I do it. The administrator/business woman in me, decided to the best help to delegate those task that I don’t have time for. Murda and the Poopinator are the easiest employees I’ve ever had. I will end this post with a tweet from J.K Rowling that resonated with me greatly.
