I love the direction mom culture is headed in. More women are sharing the hard stuff – stories of miscarriage, postpartum depression and anxiety, infertility, sleepless nights and toddler tantrums – and using humor to uplift other moms who totally get it. But there is one put-it-all-out-there mom joke that I’ve just not been able to relate to: the messy house.
Every mom has their thing (or things). The aspect of parenting that she really cares about and puts time and effort into. It could be providing the example of a working mother, or prioritizing schedules and consistency. Some moms want their children to love the outdoors and exploring, so they make that a central part of their days. Other moms want their children to try out different activities and socialize. I have a friend whose toddler eats better than most professional nutritionists. I’d put money on it. She also focuses on avoiding toxins and using natural remedies. She’s the one I go to with questions about supplements or ways of avoiding the plague when you’ve got a toddler who licks shopping carts.
There are a ton of things I’m not good at. Anything musical. Activities requiring balancing while in motion. Cooking without an extremely detailed recipe. Traveling without anxiety. I could go on. One thing I am good at, however, is keeping a tidy house. I’m what some people might describe as a perfectionist, a Type A personality, or a number 1 on the Enneagram if you’re into that sort of thing. Basically, I can’t relax if my house is messy. If my space is cluttered, my brain is cluttered. I don’t have peace. Instead I’m thinking of the dirty dishes on the counters, the pile of clean laundry on my bed, the crumb crusted floors, the dirty sheets, the unsorted paperwork, and the scattered toys. (I’ve already stopped writing this about a dozen times to go clean something.) I’m trying to be more relaxed about things at home, but it’s a struggle for me. I was worried about having kids because I know how messy they are. I was one once. And although my room growing up was my tidy little haven, my brothers could wreck a perfectly clean house in under 5 minutes. But so far, I’ve managed to maintain my sanity and my tidiness with a toddler with minimal amounts of crying.
In January, I watched Marie Kondo’s Tidying Up on Netflix (I highly recommend it). I followed her steps to reorganize my house and establish a baseline level of tidiness. Now, my goal is just to maintain it using these rules. *Disclaimer here: I work part time, from home. Not everyone has the luxury of being at their house as much as they want.*
Rule #1: Everything has a place. If things in my house don’t have a designated place, I’m inviting chaos. It’s hard to tidy up quickly if I have to make decisions about where to store things in the moment. My storage solution doesn’t have to be pretty or hidden, just effective. Some of my daughter’s larger toys live in the corner of the dining room and that’s okay. They are in their place. If I start repeatedly running across the same things in my house that don’t seem to have a place, it’s time to evaluate whether I need them. If I do, then I have to find them a permanent home. Sometimes I’m not sure where to put my husband. Still working on that one.
Rule #2: Do little bits at a time. I recently read an article about the habits of good housekeepers. The author described those people as being in a constant low level state of tidying. I never read a more accurate statement of my own behavior. Throughout the day, I’m always adding one or two dishes to the dishwasher, moving dry sippy cups from the drying rack to the cabinet, picking up an errant toy, or whipping out my pride and joy, my Dyson V6 Motorhead vacuum cleaner. This hot pink bad boy was a display model that we got on the cheap, and if I could buy one for each and every one of you mamas out there, I would in an instant. I spend 5 minutes here or 2 minutes there picking up so I don’t feel overwhelmed at the end of the day, and I’m hardly ever spending hours at a time strictly cleaning.
Rule #3: Unpack ASAP. I saw a meme once that said people who unpack their bags as soon as they get home from a trip are psychopaths. Well… that may actually explain some things about me… But seriously, with few exceptions (like urgent diaper changes and a child yelling “SNACK! SNACK!” really loudly at me) the first thing I do when I return to my house from anywhere is unpack and put things back in their places. Even if I was just out running errands or at the playground with the kiddo, as soon as we are home, our shoes go into the closet, her diaper bag goes back on its shelf in the same closet, my keys/wallet/sunglasses return to their basket on the console table, and any receipts go into the receipt box in the kitchen.
Rule #4: Prioritize. My priority has always been my kitchen. Followed closely by the living room and dining room, then the downstairs bath and guest room, and then everything upstairs. Our master bedroom is not as tidy as the rest of my house. I put my energy into the spaces that make me feel the most at peace. If someone were to pop over unexpectedly, I’m confident that my entertaining spaces are mostly tidy. The chances that someone would randomly go into my bedroom are much smaller.
Rule #5: Give myself grace and manage expectations. I still have to practice this one every day. We’re moms. Crap happens, poo hits the fan, all those other excrement related sayings. We’re all just doing our best. When someone is sick, or we’re in the middle of a crazy busy week, or something in the house breaks, tidying gets pushed off until I’m able to get back to normal.
Please know that if I’m ever given the honor of being invited to your home, I am NOT judging your house. Let me repeat this, I am NOT judging your house. My tidying tics are strictly focused on my own abode. I’m just relieved to sit in someone else’s home and not feel the self-imposed pressure to clean. All the moms out there who don’t care are currently laughing at me, but sometime in the future when we (hopefully) have more children, someone come check on me because I may not be okay. K, thanks.
