I’m a stay at home mom to a wild little one-year old boy, Declan. He’s walking, talking, getting into everything, making messes, and learning something new every day. To be honest, he’s teaching me something new every day too.
My son has taught me a great deal in his short year of life here on earth. He’s taught me patience (this is a lesson we cover daily). He’s taught me how to function on little to no sleep. He’s taught me resilience. He’s deepened my empathy for others. He’s taught me unconditional love. And lately he’s taught me something so simple, yet so incredibly necessary in any and every person’s life: to reach out.
If you spend a lot of time around my son and me, you will notice that every so often, even in the middle of playing, he will come over to me and reach out for me to get him. My parents have made it a running joke that Declan has to ‘touch base’ every so often as if it’s some sort of rule that he follows. When Declan reaches out for me, sometimes he wants as little as thirty seconds of my attention and then he’s ready to get back to business, and other times he will sit with me for several minutes just for me to love on him. Declan reaches out when he’s upset because he fell. He reaches out when he’s frustrated because he can’t get a toy to do what he wants it to do. He reaches out when he’s happy and wants me to play with him. He reaches out when he’s bored, tired, hungry, sick, etc. And in the past few weeks, it’s really hit me that he is teaching me a huge life lesson and he has no idea that he’s doing it.
As people, we desire community and relationships. Even the most introverted person can find solace in someone. And in order to create community and relationships, we have to reach out. Declan reaches out for me like it is the most natural thing to him and he’s made me realize that because of past hurts, busy schedules, social anxiety, and any other reasons you might want to throw in there, I’ve made reaching out to others the last thing I might think about in my day to day life when in reality it needs to be at the forefront.
Declan reaches out to me in every mood he feels, EVERY SINGLE ONE. Why do I feel like I have to have all my emotions in check and be in a happy go lucky mood before I socialize with someone? Declan will reach out for me covered in spaghetti sauce, drool, snot, maybe even a trace of poop and he doesn’t hide his need or want to have me present. Why do I feel like I have to have my entire life in perfect order before I can reach out to someone and let them have a glimpse into my life?
I feel like my entire world has been rocked by this revelation my one-year old has brought to my attention and I’ve been racking my brain on what that means for me going forward knowing what I know now. And I’ve decided to be more like Declan and purely and simply reach out. I’m going to reach out when I’m in a bad mood. I’m going to reach out when I’m in a bad mood. I’m going to reach out when I’m having a good day or a bad day. I’m going to reach out to my best friend and a friend I haven’t talked to in a while. I’m going to invite someone over to my house while it’s messy and I’m still in the clothes that I slept in and hope that a friend feels comfortable enough to reach out to me and let me see them in their mess. I think if we all start to reach out just a little more like Declan then it will become the new normal. People won’t think twice about asking for help when they’re having a hard time. They won’t think they need to have a spotless house and a perfect appearance just to have friends. They won’t be ashamed of the days that it’s hard to be a parent, a spouse, or even just be a person going through their day to day. Life is hard. We need other people. We need to reach out.
