Recently my husband and I have realized that there are some tricky topics we have to be prepared to address with our kids. Race and Diversity is one of those topics. To be completely honest, I had never really thought about it. Our daughter is 4 and has been exposed to different races her whole life. She has attended preschool with kids of different nationalities. She has had friends and teachers of different nationalities. She has seen us as parents interact with people of different nationalities, people who have disabilities and people who are very different from us. And I naively thought that she didn’t see the differences in others or she genuinely didn’t care. Until this year, when she began asking questions. Lots of questions. Mostly about why her friend Jessica has red hair, or why the man in the grocery store is in a wheelchair and most recently why one of her classmates has darker skin than her. This year is also the year I realized how ill equipped I was to handle some of these questions.
At what point do we start teaching our kids about race and diversity? Well believe me when I say I did a lot of research. Hours of reading studies, articles and books on the topic led me to one main conclusion: There is never a right time and there is never a wrong time. And a child is never too young to be exposed to people who are different than them and as parents we can not take the “colorblind” approach to the topic either. We need to discuss the topics of race and diversity in our home because eventually our children will be exposed to a barrage of current events regarding the issue and they need to have a good basis of information.
What can we do as parents? For younger children (age birth-3 or 4) it is as simple as exposing your children to other people. Have books, games and dolls that celebrate all cultures, colors or religions. Watch TV shows and movies that show people of different races interacting with each other. Set a good example for them. Lead by example. But certainly do not act like other races and religions do not exist. At age 2 or 3, most children start to notice differences in others. I mean how many of us moms have been mortified when our child has asked a question about someone’s differences very loudly in a public place? My daughter certainly has made comments about hair color, size, and other characteristics in public! And the best way to respond to these comments and questions is with positivity. If you child asks you why someone skins is so dark or why their hair is a different color, explain to them that yes they are different but they are beautiful. Whatever you do, make sure that you take your child’s comments and questions seriously and do not pass on your own prejudices to them. As your children get older and begin going to school is when they will begin to use race and other characteristics of individuals to make decisions about who to sit with and who to play with. They do this simply because they think that if someone looks like them, that they are more like them. This is also the age in which our kids speak more positively about people more like them and more negatively about people who are different. I know my child has said some questionable things when referring to her classmates or kids at the park and all I can do is remain calm and correct her statement as straightforward as I can. But the most important thing we can do is to not ignore it or make our kids believe that race and diversity should not be discussed!
Okay, so that is all great and my research paid off. I feel more knowledgeable about the topic but practical speaking what is an easy way to approach the issue. Crayons. It may sound stupid
and simple but crayons are a great way to explain to a toddler that we are all different but all the same. There are also books that discuss the topic. But most importantly set a good example. You want to avoid raising a mean girl? Don’t be a mean girl. You want to avoid raising a son who looks down on women? Make sure they aren’t around men who look down on women. You want to raise a child who is open minded and accepting of people who are different? Be a parent and a role model who is open minded and accepting.
I also have a son who is almost a year old and now that I realize the importance of the topic of race and diversity in my home, I have a plan of attack for this tricky topic. And here it is:
- Expose him to people of all shades, sizes, shapes and lifestyles.
- Not overreact when he makes comments or raises questions about skin color, hair color, or any differences he notices in other people.
- Encourage him to learn and use people’s names instead of describing them by their characteristics. And be proactive in not doing it myself. Example: don’t refer to someone as the black lady or the white man.
- Don’t put too much emphasis on the topic. Overemphasizing the issue of race is just as bad as ignoring the issue of race.
- Do not take a color blind approach, take a more color fairness approach. Acknowledge the differences in others and teach him that it is important to treat everyone equally.
We need to also understand as parents that this is not a one time, one age topic. As our children grow up they will be exposed to more issues revolving around race. Whether they see another person being bullied because of race, or they watch the news or see a post online about the topic they will be exposed to the issue of diversity for many years to come. It is our responsibility as parents to help them filter through the information and help them better understand what we can do to help.
Do I think we failed our daughter on this topic? No, but I do believe we could have done more to educate ourselves on how to handle tricky topics like race and diversity in our home. And now that we know that she is forming opinions and thoughts on others based on their characteristics my husband and I both will be more conscious of our actions, how we handle her questions and will do our best to set the best example possible for her when it comes to treating others equally and fairly.
