“Hold it like this, like you’re throwing a football,” Kent instructed. I positioned the roll of tissue as if I were throwing a pass, leaving a good length of it streaming down to the ground, and threw it high into the tree. It actually landed on a branch and unrolled to the pavement. “I cannot believe I never thought of that. It’s so easy,” I said.
My Dad taught me to throw a spiral early in life. He’d played quarterback in high school and semi-pro as an adult. All through my growing-up years he coached high school and junior high football. So, I knew how to throw a football, it was a roll of toilet tissue that I had trouble with, and living in Auburn, if you aren’t good at throwing tissue, well, that’s a problem. Thanks to Kent, I can now join in with them best of them and fully enjoy the experience.
Just like the Auburn family, every family has traditions. They’re fun and part of belonging to your tribe of peeps. They help define you; they’re part of your identity; they make your gang unique. They can be as simple as how you divide the brownies, who gets the corner pieces, or as complicated as who you pull for in the Iron Bowl. Some traditions are negotiable, some are not, whatever the case, either way, they’re tradition.
When you first start dating someone, part of learning about that person is learning his or her family traditions, what makes him or her unique. It helps in figuring out if they’re the right person, if the two of you fit. You begin to join in on family gatherings and, if things progress, you might even become part of a tradition. It can be a thrill to be included. Often, until you decide to get married, no serious clashes over your traditions surface. However, once you make the commitment to become a permanent part of the group, things can get a little dicey. Holiday plans, vacation plans, whose family will we visit on our free weekend? Or, can’t we just do something for ourselves since it’s been so long since we had a free weekend? Suddenly, instead of “I’ll do this while you do that,” it becomes “But our family’s always…” And just when you think you get it figured out, babies enter the picture and you realize you only thought things were difficult. Trying to please two sets of grandparents can really be a challenge.
Family traditions are wonderful things. They are special moments that bring back good memories from past experiences and produce good new ones as they are continued. So, why do they have to be so difficult? There’s a good chance it has something to do with the fact that they stir the chords in us that are the glue bonding us with the most significant people in our lives. Those people are special so the traditions are special.
Kent and I grew up in the “nuts, mints, and everybody who loves you is invited to come and celebrate at the wedding” generation. The ladies of our respective churches showered us with gifts and decorated the church for the reception. We didn’t register for china, or anything else for that matter. So, our wedding went smoothly. However, when the grandchildren came along…well let’s just say things got a little more complicated.
We agonized over it for a while, then we decided to announce that we would alternate every other Thanksgiving Day at one set of grandparents’ house and spend Thanksgiving weekend with the other set of grandparents. For a couple of years, we’d alternate Christmases, but, once our oldest was old enough to have Santa, Christmas Day we would stay at home. Family was welcome to visit during the holidays, but Christmas morning was our family time. This worked for the most part, but as life got busier, we had to make exceptions sometimes and occasionally things got sticky. We just did the best we could, making an effort to respect each birth family’s traditions and special occasions while still establishing some of our own.
These days, with our offspring spread far and wide, just getting everyone together is the challenge. One thing we are are trying to do is to designate a long weekend in the summer where all of us do our best to at least show up for part of the time. We might have activities planned, we might not. The main focus is to keep the cost down and spend time together, playing games, eating favorite foods, and just connecting as a family. As always, flexibility is important in the planning, and as always it’s a not easy for us all to find that perfect weekend, but we are making the effort.
Finding ways to create special family moments is important. With our family, like all families, it’s a work in progress and sometimes there will be conflicts, but two things are certain: 1) We enjoy getting together whatever the occasion, and 2) If it involves rolling trees on the corner after a Tiger victory, we’re all in!
