Growing up, I had always dreamed of white picket fences, princes on white horses, and Jill and Jack fetching a pail of water. Nothing in my world of fairy tales prepared for the reality that hit me when I finally moved to the United States from Nigeria. First, my dream was not even to come to the United States, I dreamed of other countries – not the U.S. But, God had other plans for me. Somehow, I found myself at Troy University. I remember walking out of the airport in Montgomery, exhausted from a very long flight, unsure of the future, yet excited to step into the unknown. I had a lot of hope and a lot dreams. None of which included getting married to an American or living in America. Barely a month after I moved to Troy, I met a young man at a football game, at an international tailgate. Tell me, what was this American doing at international tailgate? Fast forward, a few years later, I graduate, we get married, we have a daughter, end of story. Well, not exactly.
When we moved from Troy to Auburn, my life changed again. I had to adapt to a new environment, make new friends, join a new church, start a new job. The list continues. It was hard at first to transition, to leave the known to go to the unknown, but we did it. It was difficult at first. I had days when I literally went to the Auburn Mall and sat there for hours to just watch people shop. I even had a spontaneous trip to a beauty salon and got my hair done after 10 p.m., which cost me a little fortune. I kept trying to fit in and not feel alone in a foreign place. Soon I got tired of trying to fit in and I decided to live my authentic life. I had my Nigerian accent, after all. I was Nigerian. I couldn’t hide from that. The moment I began to own who I was, was the moment I began to really enjoy living in America. I started meeting new people and started volunteering in several events in the city and at the church we attended. I made my first friend. I got invited to a my first party. I sold my first business product. I got accepted into Auburn University to pursue my Ph. D. We had our first child. Life changed again. By now, you would think that I should be used to the changes. No, having a child was different, it brought a lot of highs and some lows. I cried, I laughed, I cried some more. Motherhood is beautiful and I love it.
Why am I sharing this? Why am I being this vulnerable? I realized that being Nigerian helped my life in America. Yes, I was different, I have a accent (which I now love), but different is not weird. Different is good. As an international in a foreign country, it was important to not lose myself and to own my identity. The moment I began to own my identity was the same moment that I began to live my authentic life. If you are an international and you feel alone sometimes, or miss home, I can totally relate. That was me. But something else also happened to help me transition. I recognized that America was my home now. I do not feel guilty anymore about not missing home sometimes. I have a family here now and America is my home too. Being international can be rough, but trust me it does get better.
If you are reading this and you are having a difficult time adjusting to America, regardless of whatever country you are from, I understand your worry and I can only tell you that it will get better. My encouragement to you? Find something that helps you own who you are. Find the truth in who you are as a person. Make a new friend. Join a small group. Explore a hobby. Blog. Travel. Paint. Whatever you can do to help you transition better, I say do it, dear friend. I am rooting for you, cheering you on. Don’t feel alone, it does get better! I can share this with you because I am Nigerian. I had to learn to adapt to many things. I don’t think anyone loves change but sometimes change is necessary. And for me, coming to America was a change that was necessary to propel me to purpose. I don’t have any regrets. I may not be enthusiastic about more changes, but I understand that change helps us grow. So, I embrace change, adapt to new things, and own the truth about being Nigerian.
