Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
When my husband and I decided that we wanted to have children, I never could have imagined the amount of Fear that was involved in having children. And when I say Fear I am not talking about the type of fear that I have when I see a snake or a giant spider. I am talking about the fear of failure, the fear of judgement, and the fears that are associated with loving something so much that your heart is essentially on the outside of your body. Not the fight or flight type of fear, but that nagging fear in your mind that makes your question whether or not you are going to raise a respectable member of society or the head of a prison gang. And this day in age where you can’t watch the news or scroll through social media without seeing reports on too much screen time, too much dye in food, and not enough actual parenting, I would hope that most parents have experienced the fear that I am speaking of. It isn’t the kind of fear that keeps me up at night, but after most social functions, toddler meltdowns or just a day at home with my two blessings I often question myself and the way I am raising my kids and it keeps me on edge. And I hope one day this fear will be relinquished but as every mom with a college age kid will tell you the worry is always there!
Fear of Judgement was the first type of fear I experienced as a new mom. It comes from the lactation nurses, the fellow moms, and the internet. Are you breastfeeding? Cord Clamping? Natural birth? I mean the list is endless. We are judged before the baby even takes their first breath on earth! Then as your child grows, it is never ending. How you feed, what you feed, if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, preschool or no preschool, spanking or no spanking. You can almost feel the judgey eyes at every play date or music class encounter. And we are all guilty of it. I never could have imagined the judgement from other moms and in my daughters first year of life and I let it negatively affect me. From her behavior to her wardrobe, I felt like someone was always watching and whispering! I didn’t change who I was as a mom, but the fear of judgment did make me think twice sometimes about my actions. It affected my ability to be a good mom because I began to compare my child to other children instead of enjoying and allowing her to flourish on her own. I often wished I was able to raise my kid back in the days when we didn’t have Pinterest, Google, or Facebook. But we do not get that luxury!! I have finally found a way to not let the judgement of others, the internet, and society bother me. And it has made me a better mom. I do not have to explain to you why my daughter is wearing a Wonder Woman costume with Princess shoes at the grocery store, nor do I have to explain to you why I believe in sleep training my son. But I doubt we will ever live in a world without mom shaming, so we will just have to deal with it!
As I sit here and write this my daughter is playing with Playdoh next to me as my son sleeps and as I stare at both of them, this is where the next fear comes in and the one that really nags me. What kind of people am I raising? Ted Bundy’s mom had no idea she was raising a serial killer. Just as I am sure Bill Gates’ mom or Mark Zuckerburg’s mom had no clue they were raising technological geniuses. I don’t care if my kids turn out to be Prima Ballerinas, professional baseball players, or just regular people living in the suburbs with their white picket fences and 2.5 kids. I just want them to be good people. I want them to have integrity, be honest and genuinely care for other people.
