Be sure to check out Part 1: Your Kid’s Health!
My sanity has never been as tested as a mom, as it was a few weeks ago when my daughter had to have surgery to remove her tonsils. If you are anything like me, even the uttering of a word like surgery sent me into a panic. The actual surgery itself was not what worried me at all. It was the before and after. The getting my daughter to understand what was about to happen, the not eating breakfast, the moment the nurses took my daughter and the coming home in pain. All those were absolutely petrifying to me. If you have a 4-year-old, I am sure you can agree with me that this is the age of questions. The days are full of what’s, why’s, and how come’s. Every statement by you has to be followed with a detailed explanation. It is an age of exploration, curiosity and the need for a greater understanding. For the most part, I enjoy explaining things to her. Like when she asks how the washing machine works, or why we have to go to the doctor, or when she wants to learn about cooking dinner. Even though I really have to dig deep and search for a whole heap of patience most days, we are their teachers and most of the knowledge she will have in life most likely will come from me, I hope! This age and surgery is what really scared me. I knew the minute the doctor said we have to take out her tonsils, that she was going to be asking a million questions, tears were going to be shed, and the 5 days between the doctor’s appointment and surgery were going to be long and tedious. And boy was I right!!! And that is why I want to share this with you because I found zero help online with helping her understand so this situation truly put me on the EDGE!!!!
I have a new respect for parents who have children with chronic health issues or terminal illness, because I do not honestly know how you do it. The thought of visiting a hospital week after week for procedures or checkups makes me sweat. You get a huge mom brownie button for helping your kids navigate through difficult medical times and I know everyone says you do what you have to do but this Momma would crumble. Before we discussed her surgery with her, my husband and I sat down and made sure we knew all we possibly could before talking to her. The doctor’s office was a great resource and even gave us a children’s book devoted to this exact surgery that was written by a nurse in the office. That is my first suggestion to you as a parent: become knowledgeable so you are confident when speaking to your child. Because children can sense fear and nervousness so if you are nervous that is most likely going to transfer to them.
Once we had a greater understanding for what was going to happen, we sat her down and told her that she was going to have her tonsils removed. Holy Moly! At first she was fine. We gave our little speech. She said she understood and we went about the day. Then that night she got scared. She was up 3-4 times, didn’t want us to leave her, wanted to make sure we would come check on her, and the list could go on and on. She already had not been sleeping well because of her enlarged tonsils so this just made it worse. The next day the questions came like the great flood! Would we be with her the whole time? Would it hurt? And so on. And this is my second suggestion to you, be honest. We were not going to be with her the whole time, and I told her that from the beginning. Over and Over and Over. I told her it would hurt afterwards but when they were doing it she would not feel a thing. You could just sense her nerves. But if I had told her we would be with her, the morning when they took her would have just been so much worse.
After 4 days of constant questions and tears, the night before the surgery we made sure she had a big dinner and a snack before 
bed. She woke up at about 11:30 and we gave her another snack and some water. We had to be at the hospital at 8 a.m., which is super late in my opinion because she asked for food a million times. My third suggestion to you is to take one for the team. My husband and I did not eat or drink that morning. As soon as they wheeled her back, I chugged a cup of coffee and ate a granola bar! Once we arrived at the hospital, my parenting was really put to the test and the first time I really had to hold it together as a mom. She was so scared, had an upset stomach, and cried the minute they took us to pre-op. It broke my heart to see her so nervous. So, my husband and I had to put our game faces on. No tears. All smiles. The minute the nurses rounded the corner to take her my heart sank, but she knew we couldn’t go with her and she stopped her tears held tight to her stuffed Unicorn and off she went. That is where the whole be honest with her worked to my advantage!!
When they called us back to see her – let me tell you – NOTHING could have prepared me for watching my child come out of anesthesia or being in the post-op room. She was moaning, crying, just inconsolable. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the room in general. Children screaming, one child ripping out his IV, one child having to be restrained and his poor Momma looking on truly in shock. It made for a tough two hours. We had to force her to drink, try to drowned out the other kids with her iPad, and she just begged and begged to go home. And surgery day is when I completely lost my sanity. It would return briefly and then disappear again on Day 3 of her recovery.
During the first two days at home I was thinking to myself, well this is a cake walk. She was up playing, talking, asking for food and generally happy. Then it all went downhill. Day 3 hit us like a freight train. She cried in pain from 5 a.m. to bedtime at 8 p.m. She wouldn’t eat and wouldn’t drink. I was giving her PowerAde with a syringe. I had alarms set on my phone for medication. Just to try to get her to be still and relax was an act of congress. I held her tight as she cried, all while balancing a 5-month-old with a double ear infection. That day after bed time, I sat in my bathroom floor and cried. I had never felt so defeated in my life. I mean your child is in pain, she cries it hurts worse, the medicine hurts going down, and she would not rest!!! To say the least, I had to have a new strategy or I simply would not have made it.
I will go ahead and say a prayer for all Momma’s who will have a child have their tonsils out this year. They say kids are either fine or a hot mess and there is nothing in between. Good Lord, they were right. Instead of focusing on my child being ready for surgery, I should have focused on myself being ready and maintaining my sanity. Because Lord y’all, preparing for surgery and recovering from surgery will send a MOM COMPLETELY OVER THE EDGE!!!
Stay tuned for Part 3 of Things that put Moms on Edge: Fear!!
