I consider myself a pretty laid back mom. I don’t really have dietary restrictions for my daughter, other than “please eat enough that you don’t wake up at 2am hungry.” I’m chill on TV. In fact, my daughter is watching Moana for the millionth time as I write to you. My general attitude towards parenting is Everything in moderation. Except one thing. I don’t play with sleep. We don’t stay up late or skip naps around here. With the very very very rare occasion, my kid is on a strict sleep schedule. Let me tell you why.
I don’t do cranky. It’s a pet peeve of mine when my child is whiney and cries at the drop of a hat. I know that sounds bad, but I can’t stand it. So, I’ll do anything to avoid it. The biggest contributor I’ve found to melt downs is improper sleep.
I also happen to really enjoy my own sleep and my daily break for nap. Every human needs sleep. It’s biological. While, it’s true that newborns and very young infants need to be cared for during the middle of the night, older children do not. They need the sleep even more than you do, so honestly, playing legos at 2am doesn’t do ANYONE any good. It just ensures you’ll be having a rough day.
I’ll admit, I’ve been pretty lucky in the sleep department with my kid. We’ve never had a serious sleep issue. If we had I would have immediately contacted a sleep consultant. We have dealt with the normal sleep issues here and there though, so here are some recommendations if you’re struggling.
Make sure you know and understand the wake window
Wake Windows are the amount of time it is developmentally appropriate for your child to be awake according to their age. Check pinterest for a few different graphs to see what wake windows they recommend for your child’s age. I’ve noticed they vary slightly but this is a great way to see what your baby is “supposed” to be doing. It’s important to remember your child is not a robot so this is just somewhere to start. Try hitting the average wake window immediately, then move in 15 minute increments either way til you hit jackpot.
Be as consistent as possible
Keeping a routine will help your baby/child understand that it’s time to sleep. We start nap times with a diaper change, a story, and a snuggle. Bedtime is a little bit longer of what we call “wind down time”. Try to make naps and bedtime in the same place every time. Have the room dark, include the use of a sound machine, paci, or whatever sleep aid your child likes. By staying consistent in your routines, your kid will know what to expect.
Consider Sleep Training
Some people consider this a bit controversial, but really it doesn’t have to be! Sleep training is not, and does not, have to mean leaving your baby in the room to cry until they pass out from exhaustion. You CAN sleep train in a gentle fashion. This doesn’t mean your little one won’t cry at some point. They probably will. If you have nerves about sleep training or don’t know where to start, I would consider using Mom’s on Call or a local sleep consultant to help you get an idea of how to sleep train in a gentle way.
Don’t negotiate (within reason)
Nap time is nap time. Bedtime is Bedtime. No if’s, and’s, or But’s about it. Of course, there are always outliers. Maybe you’re child is sick or that errand you had to get done caused you to run a few minutes behind. Life does happen. But on the whole, stay consistent and don’t give up easily.
Now that my daughter is older, she could drop naps at any given time. My rule for her now is that she must stay in her bed for an hour (provided she isn’t screaming her head off the entire time) and if she doesn’t sleep after an hour I will go get her and do a quiet activity. The amount of time you give them to fall asleep will vary depending on age and number of naps a day, but the main thing is to always allow them the opportunity to fall asleep. If your child gets up on their own during bedtime, continue to put them back to bed. Do. Not. Give. Up. I’m not saying its going to be a relaxing evening, but they’ll get the idea eventually.
If your child does skip a nap or take a short one *always* adjust the next nap or bedtime. Before learning about sleep habits of infants, I had no idea what overtired really meant. I knew that it meant a child would be cranky but I didn’t know it would affect their next sleep opportunity! My motto is that it is always better to have my daughter be slightly under tired than to be one minute overtired. If your child can learn to fall asleep independently then slightly under tired typically means they roll around for 15-20 minutes instead of falling directly asleep. Overtired will get you an hours worth of screaming.
There is SO MUCH to learn about sleep, it’s crazy. I’m not a sleep consultant myself, but I do believe in the power and benefits of sleep. If you want to learn more or need help, please contact a certified sleep consultant. The thing I hope you take away from this blog is that it is possible to have a child that sleeps well. It takes work and effort on your part but it can happen and you do not have to suffer at all hours of the night.
Happy sleeping!
