5 Things I Said I’d Never Do As a Mom

I was a great mom before I had kids. For real, y’all. I was next level awesome at parenting. I had a Psychology degree with a minor in Human Development and Family Studies, plus Masters courses in marriage and family therapy under my belt. I was ready.

Then I had a baby. A real, live human baby that screamed at me, wouldn’t nurse, and wouldn’t sleep unless she was being held. I felt like a zombie and was dealing with a less than smooth recovery from childbirth. My brain was mush, so I became an okay-ish mom. I am here today to tell you all the things I said I would never do as a mom before I had my sweet, sweet bundle of diapered joy. (Spoiler Alert: I’ve done all of them.)

1. No Formula. Not because I thought formula was poison or anything (side note: there are people who actually think that–yikes), I just wanted to exclusively breastfeed until age 2. There are plenty of documented health benefits, and it sounded cheaper and easier quite frankly. My boobs were already making the stuff, why not use it? And if the baby gets hungry while we’re out? Pop her under the shirt and dinner is served. Yeah, no. My daughter got 7 months of breastmilk from 5 months of me exclusively pumping. As a lactation consultant at the hospital put it, my baby was “too chill for her own good.” She would fall asleep while nursing despite my best efforts to keep her awake, but as soon as I put her down, she’d wake back up wanting to nurse again because she was still hungry. It was never ending. During a weighted feeding with the LCs, she transferred 4 ml in 20 minutes. That’s less than a teaspoon and yes, I googled that because I don’t know the metric system. ‘MERICA. My goal was to exclusively pump enough milk to get her through her first year, but when I was diagnosed with PPD, I had to prioritize my mental health and free myself from the pump. It was an agonizing decision, and I still get sad when I talk to other moms who are nursing their babies.
2. No cosleeping. Again, not because I feel particularly strongly about this topic, I just like my sleep and figured I wouldn’t sleep well worried about a baby next to me all night. In the early days, I fell asleep on the couch with the baby on my chest a few times. These incidents are hazy at best in my memory, but my husband took photographic proof, so I can’t argue. My daughter didn’t sleep through the night on any consistent basis until she was 11 months old. There was one stretch of time where she would wake up around 3 am every morning, and I would immediately bring her back to our bed for the rest of the night. I tried the whole comforting her and putting her back down in her own bed thing, but that only resulted in hours of us both exhausted and in tears. So she cuddled with me in bed. Thankfully, I did not ruin her forever though. She now sleeps in her crib all night long and for her nap in the afternoon. 
3. No rocking to sleep. I read the articles on baby sleep (and one book). I knew you were supposed to put the baby down in their crib after their bedtime routine and let them fall asleep on their own. But sleep deprivation will do strange things to people. And honestly, I liked the cuddles. It was a sweet, quiet moment after the chaos of the day. We rocked our daughter to sleep with a bottle for most of her first year of life. This backfired spectacularly and we struggled HARD to get her to finally sleep in her crib without being rocked completely to sleep while drinking milk. I also held her for every nap for her first year. It was the only way I could get her to sleep during the day.

   

4. No screen time until age 2. I wanted to follow the American Academy of Pediatrics on this one. They recommend that “children younger than 2 avoid digital media other than video chatting.” We were doing okay until our daughter got sick. She was past the age when being sick just made her want to sleep all day, but she didn’t want to play. She just wanted to cuddle ALL DAY. Which is great for awhile until we both got super bored stuck on the couch at the house. So the TV came on. We started with Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. It’s the gateway kid show. Then came a few episodes of Sesame Street, but–unpopular opinion here–I was annoyed by all the characters’ voices. So we tried Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, and girlfriend LOVED it. Even after she was better, she would come up to me and ask in her sweet little baby voice, “Rawr?” (because Daniel is a tiger, and tigers roar). How do you say no to that? Especially when Mama needs to start dinner… So now she sometimes gets to watch a “Rawr” during the week while I cook or finish working. She gets way more screen time on the weekends because Daddy is home, but don’t get me started. I’ve also learned that brushing teeth and clipping fingernails go a lot more smoothly (read: happen at all) with an Aubie or puppy video on YouTube. 
5. No sugar until age infinity. This one I do feel strongly about because sugar is so addictive. And for the longest time she wouldn’t let us brush her teeth very well (until a friend suggested the YouTube trick), so I wanted to limit her sugar exposure. I still do limit it, but I’ve had to lighten up. I got tired of hiding in the pantry to eat my cookies. She’s also enthusiastically appreciative when I give her something homemade, and I’m a sucker when people like my baked goods. At preschool three days a week, she gets a “sweet” snack. Except when she gets it taken away for forming a toddler gang that tries to escape the playground.    

   

Basically, I did everything I said I wouldn’t. Maybe I’ll do another post about all the things I said I WOULD do and haven’t done. Baby sign language, anyone? So cheers to all the moms out there lowering their standards and just surviving. Kids are resilient, or so people keep telling me.