I am definitely a recovering perfectionist! Throughout my school years, I was a much determined student always aiming to be as perfect as I could be. I didn’t exactly have the gifting in math and science to earn the top grades that I strived for. I worked as hard as I could and would come short. I would often work myself up and be incredibly hard on myself unable to let things go that maybe I didn’t need to worry about. My mother had a saying that she would often remind me of and that was to “be adequate.” Her saying that to me let me know that I didn’t need to continue to strive towards that perfection that often cost me in my mental health. I would give everything in life and this phrase helped me to let some things go and just do what I needed to do, but nothing more. I would do what I needed to do, but just let go. And being adequate has carried over to my adulthood into my parenthood!
I really had to go back to this advice recently. The season of quarantine was a really nice time for me with having a simplified life. Working from home and doing virtual school, while it was challenging, it was simple. It was simple and straightforward. There wasn’t a whole lot of extra stuff going on in my life. I had time to focus on myself and create new habits and routines, which I am so grateful for the changes I had made in my life! Fast forward to August and moving to a new house two days before school starting threw me into a tailspin for awhile! It was cray cray! Trying to get the kids adjusted to a new school year with three kids starting new schools plus organizing and unpacking a new home nearly did me in! My oldest has football so picking him up and going to games added a whole new layer to my life. Plus homework restarting, carlines, new teachers, new routines, etc.!
One thing (amongst other things) that kept me sane through it was going back to my mom’s words of advice to just “be adequate.” I am normally pretty on top of it with my kids school stuff. I sign things right away, get the kids to do their homework, do all the things, but with my list of things I needed to do, post moving was intense!
A silver lining in my hectic season of being adequate and me not being super on top of it was that it forced my kids to take ownership of their things. Things like pulling out their planners for me to sign, filling up their water bottles, getting their snacks and lunches loaded into their book bags. So, while I was leaning into my just “be adequate” place they were taking responsibility that they should have been doing for quite some time now as my youngest is eight years old! It was long overdue for them! Now, they still have a long way to go in being responsible, but the intentionality in my life has been a jumping point for change in their lives. Taking responsibility and learning independence for kids is a process, not a destination.
So, I started celebrating that I was getting laundry done, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, getting my kids on the bus, getting to work, doing my work and making sure my family’s needs were met. I didn’t do a lot of extra things outside of what I just had to do. I wanted to beat myself up for missing things and forgetting stuff, but I was hitting my mark of just being adequate! And I often had to remind myself as I would forget to put my son’s water bottle in his bag, missed signing a school form or leaving out a lunchbox in another’s backpack. I had to tell myself over and over that this is just a season and I am doing the best that I can. I focused on what I was getting done and letting go of what I didn’t do!
We as moms often go through seasons where it is all just too much. We have so much on our plates that we can get really pulled down if we let ourselves. It is essential when those seasons come to lower the expectations on us and celebrate what we get done and not let those things we don’t get to be our focus! Whether you’ve just had a baby, moved to a new home, school starting, or toddler just being a toddler, it is so important to keep perspective of the season you find yourself in. During this season for me I have definitely tried to be intentional in that focus and not let my shortcomings effect me. I am just now feeling like I am coming up for air two months after moving, but there are still days where at the end of the night I have to remind myself that my kids and husband feel loved and their needs have been met even if I didn’t get done everything I wanted to do in my day!
