The start of a new year always signals a sense of renewal and hope. All of a sudden we see ourselves as a project or a problem in need of fixing. We tend to view our flaws through the lens of someone who can do it better, or at the very least, more efficiently. Some women extend the same courtesy of critical analysis to their spouses and children and are somehow able to convince themselves that they are also responsible for the renewal of the before, mentioned in the New Year. In my experience, it is rarely helpful for me to put a magnifying glass on my entire life all at once and hope that every area will begin to change all because a new year dawns. I do see the draw to make resolutions to live your best life and make much needed changes – hauling off the negative to make room for the much needed positive. I know that there are people of all kinds who make and stick to these kind of goals and are far better off because of it. While I am truly cheering on those of you who have already lost ten pounds since January 1st and those whose children now know all of their site words and especially those of you who have mastered a new way to get laundry under control – I am here today to love on and cheer on those of you who have not. I want to reach out and grab the face of the woman who is exhausted beyond belief, the woman who is so snowed under with meal prep and a teething baby, or a special needs child whose needs never end – I want to cup your face and express with my deepest and sincerest words that there is another way and there will be renewal that will come, without the daunting magnifying glass that you are too tired to hold. You can simply use each breath and new moment to begin again. It is a practice and a mantra that has truly changed my life and I invite you to the grace that sustains this mama in good times and bad.
I have found that I am not the kind of person who works best in an all or nothing scenario, and I am going to go out on a limb and assume there is a mama giving me a virtual high five right now and maybe even a hearty amen. My life is a beautiful collision of chaos and mercy and I am rarely in a position of quiet and balance. I often wake to unexpected challenges and screaming children which typically takes place around 5 a.m. My day starts the moment my eyes open and that is the moment that I make the decision that come what may I will simply begin again. This decision ushers in the much needed grace that will hold my day together and will sustain my heart in the moments of stress and strain and failure and defeat. I practice a heart resurrection with every breath and I act on the firm belief that a new mercy will come. I do not sit in the fumes of shame because I know that I have the opportunity for growth in every disturbance that comes my way. It is never all or nothing with me because I love my people best when I love myself best.
Mama, when you forget to pack lunches and you can’t seem to find any socks that actually resemble a match, and you are late and fed up and it is only 8 a.m. – breathe – let grace in and begin again. You are ok, your kids are ok…if they don’t have their coat, they will not freeze…if their favorite shirt is dirty and you can’t find their permission slip, you are not alone. You will never ever match the idea of perfection you think you see in another woman or the idea you have created for yourself. You are the mama your kids need and seeing you mess up and begin again is one of the greatest gifts we can give, not only to ourselves but also to the little people who watch our every move. You are enough. You are chosen. You are set apart to parent the exact needs set before you. There will be a season in your life of respite and rest, but until then give yourself the gift of mini reprieves throughout the day by forgiving the moment and moving on. No shame or guilt or unrealistic expectations of perfection – no identity mimicking or all of nothing mentalities – no more measuring our days by enough good acts – and no more ridiculous goals that only serve to restrict us and not propel us forward. I say we start this year with the fresh grace of release…releasing ourselves from the weights that hold us and giving space to the freedom that will rush in when we simply begin again. Here’s to you mama…may you have the hope and freedom you so desire in this new year…I am thrilled to commune with you here in this specific space set apart for authentic conversations that I pray will bring us closer to the joy that has already been set before us.
