My husband and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary this month. Technically, we celebrated last month with a long weekend in Chattanooga. As getaways go, that one was perfect. It was extra special because we had honeymooned in Chattanooga, but had not been back to visit since. We enjoyed the satisfying blend of rest and activity, planning and spontaneity. The fall foliage was at its peak, the weather was gorgeous, and our bed and breakfast on Lookout Mountain was such a cozy spot. But better than all of that was the quality time we had together, and all of the experiences we shared. I told him at one point that I was so pleased with all of the inside joke fodder we were accumulating! We laughed so much!
As I consider our relationship to this point, what has worked and what we hope to build upon for the future, I see many things that I would recommend to other couples.
Family Mission Statement
When we first discussed writing a family mission statement, I thought it would be something we could knock out on a date night. But we soon realized that we both had different ideas about what our family should be about, and how our mission statement should be worded, and ultimately it took about six months to pin down this foundational piece of our family legacy. I’m grateful that we took the time to work on it as newlyweds before our kids came along. For one thing, they take a lot of our time and energy and it seems like it would be much harder to write one with them around. But don’t let that discourage you. I think if you already have kids and are considering writing a family mission statement, you absolutely should. Perhaps even getting the kids involved in the process, if they’re old enough. It has been important to our relationship because it established our shared priorities, which makes decisions somewhat easier when emotions run high. We can look at our mission, with its corresponding vision and values, and see if the decision we’re considering aligns with that, or not. Because we were equal partners in crafting the mission statement, it is the common ground where we can wrestle out the details of our life. Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families was useful in this process.
Getting Out of Debt
I married into Ben’s student loan debt. It became ours. No longer was he the only one saddled with it, and no longer was he the only one fighting it off. At the outset of our debt-free journey, the amount of debt loomed so large that it was hard to be hopeful about the day when we would be able to finish paying it off. In writing our vision for our family, we knew that debt-free living and financial stewardship would be key to enlarging and enriching God’s family in our generation. We buckled down, and by the grace of God paid off the debt and save up a significant down payment on our first house purchase with a 15 year mortgage a few months before our fourth child was born. Being able to move into a house that served our growing family well was a huge blessing. So, yes, we do still have a mortgage, but we do not carry consumer debt, and we are no longer paying for our past. Dave Ramsey’s 7 Baby Steps is the plan we’ve followed.
Keep Learning
If all I knew about Ben now was exactly what I’d known about him when I married him, we would not have a very strong relationship. It was good enough to go on that I felt confident in marrying him, but I’ve learned so much about him since then that it would have been a shame to settle into complacency after the wedding. And it’s not just Ben that I have to keep learning about, it’s me too. And now our kids. Relationships are dynamic, and you would do well to keep an eye on how things shift as people grow and adapt to the circumstances of life. It’s not always smooth sailing, but we already have a term for that: the learning curve. We expect mistakes and fumbles when we’re learning. Keeping a learning mindset allows room for errors with the understanding that we’re all doing our best and trying to move forward down the path. We found the Family Life Weekend to Remember marriage conference to be a good refresher (and we laughed a lot!).
I once heard (probably in a sermon) that the first thirty years of your life are the foundation, the next thirty years are the filling, and the last thirty years are the fruit. As Ben and I go through these years of filling together, I look forward to building on this foundation with him and working hard on all of our priorities to set us up for many fruitful years to come. 
