I think most of us are pretty familiar with the DIY shows: the shiplap, kitchen islands, and subway tiles are ubiquitous in the world of flipping houses. But what about those areas of our lives we’d like to ‘DIY’ that take more than 30 roughly scripted minutes. Can we talk about how building community seems like it should be as simple as picking out back splash but feels harder than Demo Day gone wrong?
I’m no Joanna Gaines but I have worked hard to DIY pockets of community in my own life, not because I’m a superstar but because (dramatic drum roll) I hate being left out. Yep, I said it. I’m in my thirties, which is probably the point I’m not supposed to feel that way anymore, but I still have feelings and sometimes they get hurt. Although I hope you don’t feel this way, I have a sneaky feeling that most of us do – especially in a world where we have, at our fingertips, a look into the social activities of almost anyone we care to look up.
Instead of wallowing in my pj’s, bemoaning the lack of invitation – I have chosen to be an initiator.
If I don’t want to feel left out and invisible, I can choose to get the ball rolling on a hang out and/ or host something myself. In being someone who takes the first step – we are being community builders. I know it can seem overwhelming, where does one even start when you’re trying to find your tribe?
-Start with one. Especially if you are easily overwhelmed or a little high strung – start with one other mom or one play date. If it goes well, try it again. If you don’t love it, give yourself some time to figure out what you would want to do differently and change it up the next time.
-Look around. Building community doesn’t have to mean all new friends. Put some thought into the people you already see on a regular basis: a neighbor, barista, a work friend you really click with, another mom with kids the same age as yours that you notice at the library, park, or church – wherever it is you find yourself. You don’t need a Tinder for moms – take some time to notice the people that are organically in your life already.
-Keep an on-ramp. Once you get going, keep your community low key enough that it’s easy to invite new people in. A monthly game night where you take turns playing a new game rather than the same game and keeping score. An open invitation to a weekly coffee stroll (hint hint), yoga pants and dirty hair welcome. If it gets too big, loud, and rowdy for a living room – move it to a nearby park instead.
Chances are, you’re already doing things, so invite someone to join you. We’ve used our weekly movie night to connect with new friends or reconnect with old ones. If your small people get up with the sun – text anyone else you know with small kids and invite whoever’s up to your house for moral support and coffee. Spending multiple nights a week at the ball fields? Ask a friend to meet you there and use the time to catch up.
People love to be included but few of us want to do the asking. Like anything else in life, it gets easier the more you put it into practice. So get out there mama, be brave!
