Today, I had a random urge for delayed nesting. What is “delayed nesting” you ask? It’s apparently when you finally get some sleep and energy enough to put up and clean out things you couldn’t or didn’t get to before you had a new baby. Today was one of those days.
The one area in my dresser that has been driving me absolutely crazy is my underwear/bra drawer. There are what feels like hundreds of pairs of underwear in there haunting me, even though I feel like I’m constantly washing the same “tried and true” pair of about 10. Anybody else with me? It was time to “trim the fat” per se.
Now, I’m about to go out on a limb here and compare cleaning out my underwear drawer to my pre-mom life and my recent move into the mom-of-two realm. It’s hard to say exactly how I got here, but pair by pair and piece by piece I realized I was reliving memories that I’d experienced years before. It wasn’t the underwear triggering these memories (stick with me here), but the simple act of cleaning out the old to make room for the new that put me in this frame of mind. I started by making piles (and piles and piles).
There were…
- The ones I would never fit into again. Let’s be honest, I’d been holding onto these for too long in hopes that I’d be a size 0/2 again. It’s just not happening and that’s okay. To me, this was symbolic of moving on from what I used to look like, how I used to feel prior to motherhood, essentially letting go of my “old self.” I found that I was jealous of the person I used to be at times… thinking I had taken advantage of those college days when I could sleep until noon if I wanted or could just pick up and go for a jog or eat a dozen donuts with little remorse. Now, I would pay money to go to the bathroom alone (who else is with me?). Lesson 1: Let go.
- The ones I couldn’t keep but would miss dearly. There are some articles of clothing you have that just mean something to you. Certain memories that happened while you were wearing them or a way they always made you feel when you had them on. The ones you were disappointed were dirty when you went looking for them. These items remind me of certain friends I had in my pre-mom life. We all know, at the time, you feel these
friendships will last forever, but after the first baby comes, a lot of these people fade into the background. It’s hard to understand this especially while it’s happening, but in time, some of these friendships are mended. Better yet, if you’re lucky, new relationships are formed with those in the same stage of life as you. Lesson 2: It’s ok to be sad. - The “tried and true” ones, the keepers. These are the pairs that may be newer than some of the older pairs that no longer fit me or this stage of life I’m in. Some are actually pre-baby but still manage to get the job done even after all of this time. Some were purchased after the first baby, and some are newer than that (let’s be honest, that second baby changes some things). These clothes represent all that I’ve accomplished in the last three years since entering motherhood. All of the hours I spent nursing my two babies come to mind, all of the time I spent pumping at work away from my kids, all of the messes my children have made and continue to create on a daily basis, all of the new people I have the pleasure of knowing because my child befriended their child. Lesson 3: Embrace change.
This delayed nesting has me feeling refreshed. Today, I can appreciate and let go of my pre-mom life without feeling as if I’m somehow missing out. Today, I learned it’s okay to be a little sad as I let go of my old life and the girl I used to be. Today, I can embrace change and be grateful for this stage of life I’m in right now. Every day isn’t easy, but I get to choose what new underwear (read: memories, relationships, emotions) fills that drawer from now on. The power is all mine. Those pairs that remain may not be the flashiest, laciest, prettiest panties that fill that top drawer now, but they are some of my favorite.
Who knew cleaning out your old stuff could be so therapeutic?
