The fear of missing out (FOMO) can have a strong pull on your everyday decision making, and it intensifies around the holidays. If you’re a parent, you probably also have a sense of “Mom FOMO” where you make decisions because you don’t want your kids to miss out on certain experiences. Your social media feeds are likely full of family pics at the pumpkin patch, family gatherings, kids on Santa’s lap, beautifully decorated homes, and siblings in matching outfits.
As I was gathering information for the Guide Fall Family Fun, I realized there were so many opportunities offered locally in October that I didn’t even have room to include November happenings! October, November, and December, jointly known as the holiday season, is jam-packed full of performances, festivals, special events, and more on top of your typical work/school/sports/clubs/church schedule. No wonder it can feel like a frenzied time of year!
Manage Your Expectations
Come to terms with the fact that there is only a finite amount of time in the holiday season. Even if you wanted to, you probably couldn’t “do it all” because most special events are scheduled the weekends so there is inevitable overlap. Also the things you most desire for your kids to enjoy may just not be their cup of tea. One frigid night a couple of years ago, we bundled up and went out to the Christmas carousel in Valley. I thought our little 3 would love it, but they were a mostly afraid of it. When you’re looking at the calendar and deciding what to pursue in this season, pay attention to what you and your family really want to do, and don’t let FOMO creep in and persuade you to add more to your plate than you can handle. Rushing from one thing to another probably won’t have the positive effect you’re looking for in trying to create fond memories or a festive spirit in your family.
You Do You
We don’t have many family traditions. Very, very few in fact. One of our only consistent holiday traditions is watching Jingle All The Way together because it’s one of our favorite Christmas movies. But I’m sure we haven’t even done that in each of the 7 years we’ve been a family. One year we were moving in December and didn’t even set up a Christmas tree. It’s okay. Honestly, not doing the exact same things every year makes it more memorable. I think it also leaves a lot of room for flexibility so we don’t have that feeling of “It’s just not Christmas if we don’t…” But you do you. If your family finds joy and significance in a daily countdown to Christmas, or enjoying a special meal, watching a parade, performing, traveling, wearing certain clothes – by all means, do those things. Don’t let others (including me, in this post) dampen your spirit by poo-pooing what is meaningful to you. FOMO has no power when you are confident in your own choices.
There’s Always More
If you decide to skip something today, or this month, or in this season, take comfort in knowing it’s likely not your last opportunity. If your trick-or-treating plans got rained out, kids that like costumes actually enjoy dressing up year round (and those that don’t enjoy it probably breathed a sigh of relief when they found out they could stay home instead of dressing up to go out). You could dress them up and take them to the store to pick out their favorite candy. If it’s after Halloween it’s marked down anyway! If you couldn’t make a way to visit your family at Thanksgiving or Christmas, make the trip another time. Our extended family all live in different states, and we’ve traveled at the holidays, but the past two years we’ve stayed home and I’ve really enjoyed that. Visiting in February, April, June, etc is more relaxed and we can plan activities other than opening presents or fixing elaborate meals.
Most seasonal events like parades, performances, festivals, etc. recur every year, often with very little variation. If you choose not to do it this year, there will likely be an opportunity next year. If there’s something you really want to do but can’t afford this year, you can make a plan to save up to do it next year.
Give Yourself The Gift of Time
Instead of packing your holiday calendar full of activities, you could intentionally make extra margin to rest, savor, and meditate on this special season. You could arrange for your kids to go somewhere with your spouse, family member, or a friend so that you have a bit of extra quiet time. If you identify as an introvert or sensitive personality, this season can be particularly draining due to societal expectations, increased number of grief or trauma triggers, more cold, dark, and dreary weather than any other time of year, and increased illnesses. Self-care is important year-round, but take extra care to not overextend yourself for the sake of checking off the holiday to-do list. Be honest with your spouse and family about your needs rather than pasting on a smile. It’s okay to not be okay, and your family and friends likely want to support you if you’re having a hard time.
However you choose to celebrate the holiday season, do it thoughtfully, and you and your family members will enjoy it all the more.
