Nine and a half years ago, our daughter was born and changed our lives just like all children change their parents’ lives. She looked as if I had nothing to do with the her creation at all. It was like my husband had spit her out. I never think a baby looks like a parent, but she literally looked like a tiny Doug Bendinger. Fast forward to her personality beginning to appear and continuing to blossom. My husband, Doug, has traveled most of his career. Out on Sunday or Monday, back on Thursday or Friday. This has given Dalton Ruth (or Dalty, Dalton, Dalty Ru, Ru Ru, DR…no wonder she has so much personality) and I so much quality time over the years.
While her appearance is heavily influenced by her Bendinger genes, I’ve had a pretty significant opportunity to influence her mind, spirit and interests. Don’t worry, Doug has had his fair share of influence as well… musical talent, Harry Potter, 1960’s Batman, and undying love for all things pug-related. This has resulted in a pretty incredible kiddo who is kind, thoughtful, creative, smart, talented and so much more. I am not biased at all as you can tell.
BUT… guess what she also has inherited, by both nature and nurture, some of our not as desirable traits or shall I say more frustrating traits & habits. I am messy, impatient, and prone to chasing the squirrels in my mind when the creative juices start flowing. The messiness and as I like to call it lack of home training is generational, or like an heirloom that’s been passed from your grandmother, to your mother, to you, and now to your child. I know children learn by example, but how do I teach and assign chores that I never had or learned much about?
I drop my clothes where I change them, forget to take my cup to the sink, don’t always turn off the lights or TV when I leave a room, etc. etc. Guess who else does? My heart of gold, creative genius, Dalty Ru Ru does. I know how she got this way. I want to fix it in both of us, but I also get frustrated as heck and find it easy to tell her how she should be doing these things, that I don’t do very well myself. I’ve always convinced myself over the years that it was my secret vice. I could appear to have it together to outside world and let it all go at home. Then there are the articles that provide justification because they tell you that geniuses are messy, stay up late and swear a fair amount. If you saw my house and read that article, you would be convinced I am the next Einstein. I am not. I feel like truly I just value other things and do not make time for housework. I do realize though that at some point the laundry has to be done, the trash taken out, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I am left with the dilemma of wanting to not ruin my child with no home training, but also wanting her to have the time and freedom to excel in her studies, passionately do what she loves, like singing, theater and making slime, and having time to connect with friends so that she isn’t a totally strange only child who isn’t capable of a conversation that isn’t awkward. Oh and there was that Ted Talk about how creativity of kids is being squashed too much and my generation, the Gen Xers/Xenials, were pushed too much into practical, traditional careers rather than the arts, and now don’t know how to adapt to new unconventional careers that bloom out of the tech wave. Do I sound panicked and neurotic yet?
Here’s what I do know and tell myself to feel better. She is a good human being….a really good one. {Dear Lord, please keep her this way.} She is bright, wise beyond her years, kind, super creative, polite and just simply the best (there’s that bias again.) SOOOOO…. isn’t all of that more important in the grand scheme of things. than if she is messy, impatient and wants what she wants. Shouldn’t we embrace what we love and do well. We all have things we excel in each day. I know she needs to learn to do laundry, dishes, etc, but I also want her to know and appreciate that she can find success in being passionate in what she does, and that there are people more qualified and more passionate about those things you don’t excel in that you can reward for their talent by hiring them to help you. I want her to know she can do or be anything she wants so she should dream big. I think I really want her to realize some of this sooner than I did, but with a little more home training. Thankfully, I have a wonderful, smart, talented husband who also happened to get some home training as a kid who is trying patiently to impart some of that home training on us both. Stay tuned for our progress in future posts.
