In less than seven days I am having a scheduled surgery. As a mom of two C-section babies, and a previous hip surgery, this is not unfamiliar territory. However, having joint replacement surgery isn’t your everyday surgery, so of course it has me running an emotionally high temperature. I am apprehensive not only about the surgery, but about the recovery as well.
Recovering from any surgery is no small feat and making the time and space to do that with a three-year-old and a one-year-old, when you are a full-time WFH (work from home) mama, is overwhelming to say the least. My biggest anxiety is making sure that my family is being cared for, while also helping them understand what I am going through in an appropriate way. Unlike my last C-section, I now have two babies who depend on me for a good portion of the day. There will be lots of activities off limits to me for a few weeks. There will be no running up and down the stairs 18 times a day (according to my watch) to get the other baby doll or an extra pair of socks. There will be no dancing while we prepare dinner at night. No jumping on mama, wrestling with mama, flying with “the greatest of ease” with mama. No running in the yard. No picking them up, rocking them or carrying the little one down the stairs. There is no limit to how often they are in my arms or on my person and I wonder who will have a more difficult time adjusting, them or me?
Kids are resilient little beings. We often think things affect them tremendously when in retrospect, these moments are microseconds in their minds, possibly things they won’t even remember. Prepping them for the changes that are coming, in my opinion, is a big portion of how to keep them adaptable as well as ensuring they don’t worry. I also feel there is learning in everything and am taking my recovery as an opportunity to teach. Through talking to our three-year-old about this surgery, I’ve been trying to explain to her that mama will have to spend a lot of time resting and that I won’t be able to do some of things that she is used to me doing for her- like bath time and bedtime, helping her get dressed and filling her water bottle multiple times a day. We will have people here that will help her do these things, but she should also try to start doing some of these things on her own. She is pushing back and has become more attached and needy, but instead of feeling guilty or getting frustrated I am utilizing this as a way to empower her, to help guide her to find more independence in the things she can already do but often complains that she can’t. Such is life with a toddler. I am going back to my Montessori books to lean into some of the ideas that I had originally started to instill in our home but, have fallen short on over the past few months.
What does that look like?
- I will give them more responsibilities, manageable tasks and everyday things we need to work on.
- Prep the house so they can assist with more of the household chores and organization.
- I will foster more of a helping relationship where I ask them for help as opposed to them asking me all the time.
- Promote problem solving. During my recovery there will be some challenges and asking and involving them in the problem-solving phase will help them manage their frustrations as well as teach them to stick it out through the challenges.
- More free play. We have always promoted independent play, but often my girls look to me to initiate some of this. I have rotated the toys and books and set up a few new stations in our common area. I also have put together “Quiet Baskets” for moments when I need to rest to encourage them to allow me the space to rest.
I know these are common lessons for developing independence in our children, but with the twist of a surgery, there will be lessons that pop up that I can’t think of until I am in the moment. Having these tools written out will be a reminder to me that I need to recover. This is the perfect opportunity to avoid power struggles and show my children that asking for help is OK and it is something we need to do from time to time. I hope that through these ideas I will foster more self-confidence, help them to develop self-respect, make them better listeners and give them a sense of value. I want them to feel my encouragement and support and that they make me proud every day. I do my best to be as present as possible for my family. There is no time like the present to practice this and I may find I get much more out of this situation and learn a whole lot more as a mother.
Read more from the author here.
