Somebody Please #konmari My Brain

Like many moms, I’ve watched parts of Marie Kondo’s Netflix show on decluttering and organizing.

 

First of all: I am actually a pretty organized person. (After all, I’m German.) But then again, I married a Venezuelan and have a 3-year old, which is accelerating the second law of thermodynamics over here — everything moving towards chaos, fast. And while I’ve learned to ignore it to a certain extent, I also realized that the outer mess is sort of reflecting my inner mess: The endless clutter of the mental load called “organize and optimize a household.”

 

I’m a full-time working mom and STILL do – what feels like – 99% of the decision making including the research on child-related purchases. It starts with the comparatively easy and century-old question “what’s for dinner?” and ends with the digitally over-informed research for the “best sportive Mary-Janes for preschoolers.” It’s mind-boggling how many hours – HOURS!! – one can spend searching for the best backpack, shoes, mattress, humidifier, educational book on social skills, etc. online. My problem is not Facebook or social media, it’s Amazon, Wirecutter, and Target.

 

There are not many things centered around raising a child where I wish I’d be my mother’s generation, but this one definitely is. When I was a child and needed a new pair of shoes, we’d go to the shoe store around the corner, ask the (qualified! competent!) staff, buy a pair, done. Mental load and execution: an hour or less. Instead, I am Googling and cross-checking reviews on the almost same sandal model for hours, only to send them back (a.k.a. standing in line at USPS for half an hour) because my kid didn’t like them.

Seriously, #konmari has to come and de-clutter my brain.

 

And I’ve been trying to understand *why* moms in 2019 do this. Sure, the “only the best for my offspring” idea is genetically imprinted and hard to ignore. But I think it’s more than that. There is so much information, advertisement, and competition centered around child-raising and education, it’s intimidating. There is a tremendous pressure on moms – and somehow almost never on dads – to “do the right thing,” on every single front. And buying “the right thing” is just one extreme in this game: It has to be the mattress that’s not too soft, not too hard, and OMG, of course, not potentially toxic. 

The worst part is, that all of these pieces of information are present in my brain all the time, at least subconsciously. And it’s always negatively charged, as in: I should be doing something else, something more useful. (Also a mom thing: Why do we have to be useful literally 24/7??)

 

My resolution 2019 on this is, to allow this kind of over-research and mental over-presence only for things that … spark joy. Yes, I will look for the cutest sandals, because, I like shoes. No, I’m not going to be bothered by what’s the best humidifier, I hate them anyway. And I will try to remind myself that my parents probably always just chose the next-best and I kinda turned out alright.

 

Thank you #konmari. 

 

P.S.: Her folding technique for clothes that go into drawers is life-changing, I swear.