The One-Year Metamorphosis

Personally, more than three years after my daughter was born, I sometimes still feel like I’m in recovery. Having a child (at least your first one) is a life-altering event, both physically and mentally, and I do believe everyone needs her own time for the metamorphosis into a mother, because, let’s be real: the aim is not to become the same person as before having a child. That’s not possible, and also not desired — and exactly the part that took me about a year to understand.

 

We look at ourselves in the mirror and see that we’re different. We have extra pounds on us (well, at least I had /have). We seem to have aged five years, in ten days, but also have a weird soft glow on us that we’ve never seen before. Especially in the first weeks, everything seems to be a blur, including the perception of ourselves — and that is so. hard.

Our doctors and our environment both focus on the physical recovery: how well we heal, how fast we’re back on our feet, etc. And of course, these things are important. What most people don’t talk about, is how our brain, our mind and soul are recovering – and how much these parts are altered forever. Science is catching up on the brain piece, but on the mind and soul part, we’ve barely scratched the surface.

It has been proven that major do-overs happen in our brains during and after pregnancy (i.e.: “mommy brain”). Moms prioritize differently than non-moms, have way more empathy than before becoming a parent, have sharpened senses, especially for smells and sounds — for things that could potentially endanger her child. I’m sure 99% of my mom friends can confirm that after having a child, you can’t watch movies anymore where small children are abducted or killed. The news story about the toddler falling into a pond and drowning breaks your heart a hundred times more. Formerly wonky, long-term threats such as climate change or violence suddenly become tangible, scary dangers.

 

But it also might affect you in unexpected ways. As a writer and overall creative kind of person I can confirm that I write differently than before. My focus has shifted to different topics, and it took me more than one year, for sure, to feel a “writer’s high,” a certain kind of flow again, and to redefine my style. Because creating normally comes with quite an amount of ego, this was extremely hard for me to accept: How could a tiny person that I basically made and am sustaining change the very core of who I am?!

 

So yes, it sometimes felt like someone shattered me into pieces and now it’s up to me to put them back together. It’s an ongoing process to leave the idea(l) of my before-self behind and accept my new self, who might be a bit less cool but probably also way more kick-butt. And the culprit who broke me is also my best remedy and super power: My girl and my infinite love for her.