“Help me! Help me!” His pleas were not ones of panic or pain but rather an impassioned request for assistance in escaping time out. He looked up at me, his eyes expressing the injustice of it all. I had to turn my head away so he wouldn’t detect that it was all I could do to keep from smiling. This two shall pass Small One, the first of many lessons about how this big world works. I’m just going to stand here with you, relax, and enjoy every stage, every moment, and we’ll get through this together.
He’s a sharp cookie. He knows what he wants. He’s firm once he makes up his mind. He’s fully capable of accessing a situation and determining his plan of action. He’s been telling us all his thoughts and observations for some time, but lately we’ve been able to understand more and more of what he’s saying. It’s in complete sentences. Did I mention he’s two?
For months he refused to say “Mama.” Not because he couldn’t, not because he didn’t know what to call her, but just because he didn’t want to. These days, he says it about every other word and Daddy’s the one we shall not speak of like in Harry Potter. The little guy knows Dad, and all of us, want him to say it so he’s made up his mind to completely ignore the word.
“Who’s this?”
“Mama.”
“Who’s that?”
“Grandma.”
“Who’s that?”
… “Truck!” and he picks up a toy truck and is off about his business. Hang on Dad. This two shall pass so cherish the moments.
That little mind is absorbing everything about the world around him. He’s in perpetual motion. If it’s water, he’ll splash in it, the muddier the better, especially if he’s in his freshly washed tennis shoes. If it’s high, he’ll climb it, the taller the better, and if he falls and nothing’s bleeding, he’ll bounce up and keep on going.
He loves planes, trains, and automobiles. He loves tractors and trucks. And, he can name and identify all the different kinds. Got a skid-steer? You’ve got his attention.
And books. The one thing he will stop for, besides an occasional snuggle with Mom or Dad, is a book. He’ll crawl up into your lap and stay for as long as you’ll read to him. Brown Bear, Brown Bear; First 100 Words; and First 100 Trucks and things that go are some of his favorites. But he’s not picky. He’ll sit still and listen to books by Mark Twain, Laura Ingalls Wilder, magazines, whatever you’ll read to him, pictures or not. Two fingers in his mouth, eyes alert and listening to every word. I know this two shall pass so I cherish the moments like this.
Age two gets a bad rap. Sure, it’s the average age they start testing the boundaries and establishing independence, but it’s such a fun age. Each of our three, and us, came through the two year old stage with varying degrees of difficulty. The age provided us, and them, with different challenges depending on each one’s personality. I learned that this two would pass, so I needed to cherish the moments.
The Oldest fooled us. She hit two and never had much problem. Then she turned three. Different story. But even then, we came to terms early in the process. She might not have wanted to do what we said, but after a few battles, she obeyed, maybe with a frowny face, but she complied. I learned how to push her just enough but not too much. Push too hard, she would dig in her heels, and we’d all pay the price. But the parents won. Every time. It was imperative.
The Middle One was loud in his protests, but he was usually perfectly willing to obey most of the time…if you could get his attention. He was one for perpetual motion too, so his Small One gets it honest. I realized one day that in trying to turn his face toward mine to make eye contact and get his attention, I was actually covering his ears with my hands. Not very effective. Had to modify that plan.
The Youngest was pretty easy going. What I came to understand however, was that she listened, thought about it, and then did exactly what she wanted to do in the first place. I had to be a little more creative with that one.
We all made it through the two’s relatively unscathed, but we did learn a few things from friends further along in the journey, pastors, and other resources that made it easier as each of our three went through the phase. We found that as long as we kept a few simple things in mind, it was a fun and enjoyable time for all of us.
- Be consistent. “It’s the certainty, not the severity, of the consequences that is effective.”*
2.Be clear. Instructions and rules need to be simple and straightforward.
- Don’t threaten. “If you find yourself making a threat, follow through or you lose credibility.”**
- Set them up for success as much as possible. Hug them often and be generous with encouragement and praise.
- When you do have to say no, mean it. Again, follow through.
I learned to relax more and enjoy every stage-two’s, teenage years, the whole thing. And I learned to listen more than talk, though my Middle One will tell you I’m still learning on that one. You learn so much just by listening and engaging in conversation with them and their friends at every age. You’ll be glad you did, even when the day seems to go on forever and nothing is going right. This two shall pass so cherish the moments, every single one.
I looked down into those earnest eyes after the cries for help subsided. “You ready for lunch?”
“Yes!”
“Okay, then say ‘I’m sorry.’”
“No.”
“Well, we’ll wait here until you say ‘sorry.’”
“Help me! Help me!” Wails and gnashing of teeth, part two.
But this two shall pass. If you need us, we’ll be in time out for the foreseeable future. And don’t forget, cherish the moments.
Be safe. Be well. Be blessed.
*Rev. Bo Childs
**Dr. Bob Rowsey
Photo credits Matt and Heather Smith
