Sometimes, these so called “new” positive parenting strategies can take people by surprise. And really, these positive parenting strategies that I am referrin
g to are quite simple: providing praise, phrasing instructions and corrections in “to do” terms, not providing a negative reaction, like reprimanding, to inappropriate behavior.
Yet, having trained numerous parents over the years, I can say that there are PLENTY of myths about using parenting strategies, especially the “positive” strategies like I mentioned above. There are LOTS of opinions about parenting in general, so it almost seems natural that there are a lotof different sides to the parenting debate.
I believe one of the most common myths about using parenting strategies is that parenting strategies aren’t positive, that parenting strategies are all about punishment. I’m here to say that this is a MYTH, and I’ll show you why.
Here’s a typical scenario that many families face: a family is sitting at the dinner table. The toddler throws food or dumps food off of his tray. He drops his fork on the ground. The toddler isn’t crying or screaming or throwing a tantrum, and the rest of the family is simply eating dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
What would you do? How would you respond? How would most people respond?
Would most parents use “negative” strategies like yelling, reprimanding, making threats, using time out, or simply commenting on the inappropriate behavior to deal with the situation? Or would more parents use “positive” parenting strategies like praising appropriate behavior and not commenting on the inappropriate behavior?
I think these questions are important because, as a parent, it’s good to know where your thoughts stand on topics like this.
Yet, maybe you’re uncertain. Maybe sometimes you would respond with positive strategies and other times you would respond using negative strategies.
Maybe other people’s opinions and advice influence your own thinking on this matter. I mean, who here hasn’t had an aunt, coworker, neighbor, or complete stranger give their unwarranted two cents about how you should be handling and managing your child?!
And truthfully, the real reason why I’m asking you these questions and pointing you toward an inner reflection is because I believe that if our beliefs about parenting are influenced by other people’s opinions or our own opinion that the positive parenting strategies won’t work, being positive doesn’t work, and that the only effective parenting method is to utilize the more negative strategies, then we aren’t going to be fully open to actually using the positive strategies that can really help us with our children.
If we have these beliefs, we could be missing out!
We could be missing out on fewer tantrums…
We could be missing out on more peaceful mealtimes with less food on the floor….
We may even find that we enjoy spending time with our children more because we no longer have the feeling that we need to pull our hair out!
I’m here to tell you that these positive parenting strategies do work, they can work, and they can make a real difference for many of us! Now, they aren’t going to solve every behavior problem; if they did, I and lots of other professionals wouldn’t have a job.
Yet, these positive parenting strategies can make a big enough difference that instead of feeling embarrassed to leave the house with your kids, you feel confident in your parenting because you have and utilize easy strategies that can really work for your family.
So hear me say right now that parenting strategies are NOT all about punishment. Actually, the parenting strategies that I use and teach are all positive:
- Praising good, appropriate, and “okay” behavior so that it continues to happen in the future
- Providing instructions that are clear, concise, and are phrased in a “to do” way
- Not overreacting or providing a lot of negative attention to inappropriate behavior when it does occur.
We are responding in a positive way when we utilize these strategies. We no longer have to use threats, reprimands, yell, or other negative strategies to get the results that we want. We CAN see positive changes in behavior when we use positive parenting strategies. They CAN be effective, if not MORE effective than the negative parenting strategies.
So the next time you see a parent not get angry or upset with their child when he screams in the grocery store, throws food on the floor, or has a tantrum in public, know that positive parenting strategies are used, they do work, and, if you ask me, they are becoming more of the norm around here in the parenting world.
