Messy Ministry: Pregnancy, Prison, and Parenting – Part II

*If you have not yet read Part I, click here before continuing to Part II!

“Babe, can we talk?” is the infamous phrase that although only contains three words, carries the weight of a serious conversation. My husband had just finished speaking with Mike, a man he had bunked with for two and a half years in prison… a man that had hit rock bottom and in need of life-saving help.  

“I’m out on the streets [in Michigan], in the freezing cold, livin’ in abandoned houses, and I know I’m going to die out here, man. No one will help me. Not my family… not no one,” were the words of this desperate man that my husband had not spoken to in over 10 years. 

My selfless husband couldn’t stand by idly and ignore a plea for help and neither could I. 

But what could a family, with four children under seven, living pay check to pay check, in a rental home in Alabama possibly offer? We did not have a surplus to put him in a hotel, nor the knowledge of shelters or drug rehabilitation facilities in Michigan to send him to…but we did have Jesus and an extra couch.

See, it wasn’t about what we did not have to be able to help him, rather what we did have; the knowledge and love of our heavenly father. Sunday after Sunday, we sing lyrics in church, asking God to use us and telling Him we are available as His vessel. Are those just flippant words on a screen or do they actually hold weight in our lives? 

All of a sudden there was tangible need and opportunity that was put in our laps and a decision had to be made. 

Would we hide behind all of the valid reasons that we could not help this man, or would we lean into our unwavering faith that The Lord does not call the qualified, rather He qualifies the called. 

In the Bible, we read in Matthew 25: 34-40 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

There was not much of a conversation between my husband and I, rather a shared understanding that we were being called to be Jesus’ hands and feet in this moment. Would it be convenient and comfortable? Not by any stretch. But when is the last time you saw the hand of God move in a radical way with people living comfortably? 

We had a meeting with our children, explaining that someone was coming to live with us for a little while.

“Why?” asked Hudson, our six year old. “Well, because he needs help and does not have a home” we explained. 

This baffled our two oldest sons. They truly did not understand how someone could not have a home. See, what a child experiences in their life is what they deem as “normal” and believe everyone experiences until they are told or encounter otherwise. We have a home and all their friends have a home, so how could someone in this world not have one? What a beautiful opportunity this was to shed light on how very blessed we truly are and for our children to understand this by coming face to face with someone who has experienced a life extremely foreign to theirs. 

The very next day, Mike arrived via Greyhound bus and we began our journey into messy ministry. The funny part is, I thought we were going to be the ones to minister to him but throughout this journey I found The Lord reshaping me from the inside out. 

When I met Mike for the first time, I’m not going to lie, I was extremely intimidated. He was literally covered from head to toe in tattoos, smelt of heavy cigarette musk, and carried himself in a bold manner. As I shook his hand in the middle of my kitchen, I couldn’t help but wonder what in the world we had gotten ourselves into. 

On the other hand, my children could not wait to meet him! In fact, our four year old’s first words out of his mouth were “Wow! What happened to you?” in reference to all of his tattoos. “Why didn’t those come off in the shower?” he curiously questioned. 

“Bad decisions,” Mike responded with a gentle smile. 

Leave it to the unfiltered four year old to totally break the ice! 

Over the next few days, I witnessed things that I was unfamiliar with, but my husband was not. It was almost as if I got a glimpse into the very person my husband once was, before he came to know The Lord. My children and I had never encountered anyone like Mike before. The harsh streets of Detroit had literally left him with nothing more than a small duffel bag of clothes and a hard addiction to drugs. I had never seen first hand what withdrawal looked like until it lived in my house. I had never fully understood the meaning of starving, until I watched as Mike would eat until he literally made himself sick; as if his body was weary of where his next meal would come from. On day two, I burst into tears in my husband’s arms because my heart had truly experienced what Jesus’ heart breaks for… His children that have gone astray. 

For you see, ministry starts to get really messy once it gets personal and is living under your roof. Mike was no longer just the name of a homeless man living in Detroit that was addicted to drugs anymore. He is a child of God. 

Mike quickly became a part of our family routine. Walls were broken down and a  true relationship with our family was beginning to be built. I watched before my very eyes as this man began to regain more than just physical health, but also spiritual health as well. I watched as our church family embraced someone that looked nothing like them. I watched the Lord break chains of discomfort and fear inside myself. 

So what do we do when we are told that Mike has a girlfriend (the mother of his two children) in Michigan that is on the streets right now and in need of the same help that he was so freely given? 

Stay tuned for part three of our family’s walk through messy ministry.