I have never been to seminary to learn apologetics, theology, or how to love and serve people in a crisis. But since becoming a parent, I have learned more about God, undeserved love, forgiveness, sin, and all those other religious words in a way that is more tangible and meaningful. As I catch myself processing these little life lessons, I think of it as ‘Mominary’ (Motherhood + Seminary). The school of life where hands-on learning is the only option and the guidebook often comes in the form of God-given intuition, professional counseling, or the sacred spaces shared by other parents who have walked the path before you – but definitely not in an actual book or 3 AM internet search.
I saw this play out a few weeks back when we had to send in an ‘About Me’ poster to class for one of our kids. This is the kind of thing that I like to tell myself doesn’t really matter, but of course it does; It matters to my child and it matters to me. I feel extra responsible because it’s exactly the kind of thing that they can’t yet do on their own and they are relying on me to help make it come together (a lot like our first dance recital, but I digress). When we got it done (on the last day) and brought in, I saw a gorgeous poster another mom had done. A mom I know and love. And I’m ashamed to say that my first reaction was jealousy. I had a lightly snarky text written out in my mind to send to her, something along the lines of, “hey, way to make the rest of us look like chumps.” But in the middle of my mental composition, I realized that this is exactly what I preach against with my kids. This is a moment where I could easily encourage rather than tearing someone else down. And why would I not? Obviously this is an area of gifting and creativity and WHY DON’T WOMEN ENCOURAGE OTHER WOMEN MORE?! My faith tells me to speak words of life and to think on things that are good – instead my innate ugliness kicks in and makes it all about me. Unlike my children, my brain is fully formed – so I really don’t have a good excuse not to choose the right thing. Fortunately, that time I did choose well and I can continue to ask for help and guidance, training myself to choose encouragement not only to other parents, but also my kids, spouse, and (yikes) myself.
More recently, my boys have been very into superheroes. I don’t know if it has to do with their ages, or maybe we have kids from school to thank for this newest obsession – regardless, we are the proud new owners of one batman and one superman costume, respectively. In their minds, the superheroes are the good guys. And the good guys need someone to fight – Spiderman without a villain to defeat is really a teenager with bad luck and a heck of a party trick. The bad guys in our lives right now are honestly small. Very small. And one day (too soon), the bad guys will be a lot harder to fight because they will be things like loneliness, comparison, fear, and injustice. The “s word” will no longer be “shut-up” and an ice pack won’t be enough to distract from what’s hurting them. Not to mention that it gets a lot messier to untangle who is “good” and who is “bad. Even for me. Naming the real issues and bringing them out takes work, vulnerability, and obedience – things I can pray over them for the hard years to come.
Maybe that’s why they always tell us to enjoy the little years? Time has erased the long hard days of early motherhood and replaced them with more recent memories of all the ways life has gotten more … complicated. I’m not sure yet, I’ll have to get back to you. Right now I’m working through some problems using kind words and brushing up for my next round of parent teacher conferences.
Mominary is accepting applications – all you have to do is believe that it’s all scared and it’s all a gift. Even (most especially) on the days when it doesn’t feel like it.
