A Letter to my First Baby

To my firstborn on your last night of being an only child,

I am having a hard time putting into words all of the emotions that are running through my mind right now. There are so many things that I want you to know and understand before you officially become a big sister. You have changed my life in a way that no one else before or after you ever will. You made me a mom and no sibling to follow could ever change that. You gave me the best job I’ve ever had, or ever will have. As much as I love your father, the love I have for you is unmatched in any other relationship I’ve ever experienced. You truly are my heart beating outside of my chest.

Tonight, I reflect on the last 966 days that I’ve been blessed to be your mom. There have been times of complete joy, sadness, elation, sleeplessness, confusion, crying, laughing, learning, dancing, singing, coloring, crafting, cooking, eating, explaining… the list could go on forever. I would not trade one single moment I’ve had with you for the entire world. 

I never knew until I had you that I could love a human being more than myself or your dad. I thought I had the ultimate love with your father. And don’t get me wrong, I love your dad very much but once we had you, the love I feel now is so intense it feels like my heart could literally burst. I didn’t know I was capable of such an emotion.

I was concerned at first about how I would possibly love your little brother as much as I love you but then I realized it doesn’t have to be “even” or a competition. The love I have for you will never be matched by another baby because you will always be my first baby. Our relationship is something that can never be changed with one, two, three, four, or five siblings. You are the blessing that made me into the mother I am and will always aspire to be. 

You are my best friend. You are both my student and my teacher. You are the sunshine I need on rainy days. You are the most able little girl I’ve ever met. I will work every day to show you that you are a life changer to all of those around you. 

I am very anxious and thrilled to see you as a big sister. I know you will be an exceptional one as you have already taken to tucking your babies into little brother’s bassinet every night. You talk to him every day and rub my belly asking when he’s going to come out and help you eat your pretzels. As much as I don’t want to see your days as an only child go, I really do look forward to the next chapter with you, your daddy, and your little brother.

I pray you know every day for the rest of your life how much you mean to me. I love you with every fiber of my being. This is not a farewell to being an only child, but instead the start of a new beginning for all of us. Now let’s see you kill this big sister game as I know you will, you smart, talented, brave, strong girl.

Love you with all of my heart and then some,

Your emotional mommy