Expecting a baby is an exciting and uncertain time for most moms. Moms that have recently given birth or are currently pregnant have the added burden of stress and uncertainty that we’re all experiencing as we navigate this unfamiliar territory of a global pandemic. Our customs surrounding a new arrival include gathering for celebrations with friends and family, helping the parents prepare their home for the new addition, and visiting mother and baby after the birth. With the latest guidelines recommending that we distance ourselves as much as possible to prevent the spread of the virus, many of these familiar rituals are being disrupted, which is necessary, but disappointing for all, and could have additional negative impacts on the expectant or new mother in particular. Here are some ideas for supporting your friends and family who are anticipating the arrival of their baby, or have recently welcomed him or her into the world.
Check On Her
Moms need other moms to encourage, listen, give advice, and commiserate with them. This need is especially heightened in the newborn days. As we know, the first few months after giving birth are not just blissful days of snuggling a tiny bundle (although there are certainly many precious moments of that), but there is significant physical recovery for the mom, intense and frequent needs of the baby, the challenge of figuring each other out and finding a new rhythm of life together, and, potentially, health concerns, breastfeeding hurdles, and the ubiquitous lack of sleep. She needs support physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Check on her daily through text, phone calls, or FaceTime. Make yourself available to listen to whatever she needs to get off her chest. Let her know that she’s doing an amazing job. Your friendship is needed in these difficult days.
Check Her Registry
Her baby showers may have been cancelled, postponed, or perhaps not even planned as everyone watches the spread of the virus unfold across the country. She may be feeling sad and stressed about this as she thinks about the many things she wants and needs for the baby that may not be gifted to them because of the circumstances. If you planned to give her a gift, please do, if you’re still able. Brainstorm with your friends about planning a virtual shower. When we welcomed our first newborn from foster care, my parents sent a “baby shower in a box”. We enjoyed opening the individually wrapped gifts inside the box and sending pictures back to them. When I gave birth for the first time, the church I had grown up showered us from afar with gift cards and cash gifts. It was such a sweet blessing!
Help With Meals
Meal planning, prep, and cleanup is probably one of a mom’s most time consuming tasks. You can help in most of the usual ways, like bringing a hot meal in disposable pans, organizing a meal train with the option for contributors to order a delivered meal from a restaurant, offering to pick up a special welcome home meal from a favorite restaurant (many of the fancy places are offering to-go options now), or making a few freezer meals that she can have on hand like chicken pot pie, lasagna, and dump and go slow cooker or pressure cooker entrees. One of my favorite food gifts after giving birth was a nursing snack basket sent by my sister-in-law which was filled with individually wrapped breakfast and snack foods like granola bars, peanut butter crackers, cookies, fruit and grain bars, chocolate covered pretzels, etc. If your friend has older children that are home from school, you might consider bringing them lunch one day, or having pizza delivered, or sending a big kid snack basket so they can help themselves without mom having to get up and down constantly.
Enable Her Self-Care
Sometimes we equate self-care with getting out of the house, indulging in a gourmet coffee or other treat, wandering the aisles of our favorite store, or getting a mani/pedi. We all have to be creative with our self-care in isolation. Our stress is higher than normal, and a new mom’s stress may be higher still. Drop off (or order online) supplies for a luxurious bath – bath bombs or salts, a foot scrub, and favorite chocolates. Encourage her to talk a stroll around the block while you do the same and chat on the phone with her. Gift a subscription box (or DIY) for a date night, craft, game, or to encourage her in her faith. If you notice she is increasingly overwhelmed, depressed, or anxious, encourage her to reach out to her doctor for guidance. Many doctors are offering telehealth services now, and we certainly don’t want to miss the signs of PPD or other mental health issues.
Share In Her Joy
Fawn over her and her baby even though it’s best to keep our distance for now. Health and safety for everyone is a top priority, and we have to protect our vulnerable populations. Like and Love her Instagram and Facebook posts. Send a text that says “I’d love to see what your cutie is up to right now!” Personally, I took almost daily pics of my baby sleeping last year because she was just so beautiful to look at. The world needs babies for the beauty and joy they give! Celebrate with your friend over this gift as often as you can.
