We brought home baby #2 in mid-February, and with a toddler at home, my parenting game has definitely changed. I nee
ded to. There was no other option.
Instead of having two on one (me and my husband vs. our kiddo) majority of the time, we are now playing man-to-man defense. And while I’m on maternity leave and my husband is at work, it’s one against two (me vs. a one month old and an almost two-year-old).
While I love the idea of having my kiddos grow up together and be so close in age, I’m not gonna lie to you: day-to-day life can be challenging and exhausting. If you have two or more kids, you know this to be the case, regardless of their age.
Yet, day-to-day life can also be completely fulfilling and joyful. It’s so fun seeing my almost two-year-old share toys and want to play and interact with the baby.
But, like I said, the day-to-day can be tough as there’s a lot to juggle and manage.
It’s not easy to nurse a newborn and entertain your toddler
(and keep them out of trouble).
It’s hard prepping lunch when you’ve got a crying baby in the background.
It can be physically exhausting carrying a baby while also managing your toddler.
And it’s mentally, emotionally, and physically draining to manage two under two when you’re a tired mama.
Throw in toddler behavior to this mix and you’ve got your hands full!
I’ve learned a lot about parenting, and keeping toddler behavior at bay, in this short month of being a mom of two under two.
So, if you’re in the same boat as I am of having an infant and a toddler or having two or more kids at home, here’s how I’ve kept my toddler’s unwanted behavior (like whining, throwing toys, and screaming) at bay:
Frontload positive attention
Positive attention is key for any kiddo, especially toddlers!
Before behavior gets bad, I try to provide positive attention for the good and appropriate behaviors that my toddler is doing, like playing appropriately with toys and using his words (instead of grunting or screaming) to speak.
When we provide this positive attention for the good and appropriate behaviors, we are teaching our kiddos that those good and appropriate behaviors are how they can get our positive attention. And when we praise those good and appropriate behaviors, we are encouraging our kiddos to keep doing those good and appropriate behaviors in the future so they can continue to gain our positive attention. It’s a beautiful cycle.
While we are tired and busy multi-tasking, it’s important for us mamas to, what I like to call, “frontload” that positive attention: provide a lot of positive attention to our toddler UP FRONT for their good and appropriate behaviors BEFORE they have a chance to do some of those inappropriate behaviors like screaming or throwing toys.
When we provide a lot of that positive attention up front for the good behaviors, we are less likely to see those unwanted behaviors peek their nasty heads in our day.
At my own home, I try to provide a lot of praise for the good behaviors. I also try to provide a lot of positive interaction with my toddler, especially if I’m also busy taking care of the baby.
While I’m nursing the baby, I read books to my toddler or do puzzles with him. This takes a lot of energy to do but is so much better than having to deal with cries, whines, or inappropriate play with toys.
I also talk with my toddler and do a lot of singsongs with him. These interactions really are crucial for keeping those unwanted behaviors at bay.
So if you come over to my house, expect to hear praise statements for good behaviors like eating his lunch (instead of playing with his food), building towers (instead of throwing blocks), asking for helping (instead of screaming), and following mom’s instructions (instead of not listening).
You can also expect to hear lots of chatter between me and my toddler and lots of singsongs, especially as I’m changing diapers, cleaning up the kitchen, and feeding the baby.
While it may seem difficult for us mamas to spend this kind of energy while also taking care of the rest of our kiddos and our homes, to me it’s completely worth it.
Isn’t it easier (and BETTER) to prevent the unwanted behaviors from happening than to deal with the behaviors once they’ve happened?
I would rather spend my energy positively interacting with my kiddo than spending my very precious energy on managing unwanted behavior.
So enjoy those positive interactions, mama! You’ll be happy you have them.
