You know those quirky habits you pick up in childhood? The ones you never really notice until someone points them out to you as an adult and you go, “I didn’t know I did that.” My sister-in-law made an observation at a family holiday dinner soon after she and my brother got married, “Your whole family eats one thing on their plate at the time. You all do it.” News to me, but she nailed it.
I can remember my grandmother rolling out dough to make chicken and dumplings, making parallel cuts, then neatly making the vertical ones in a brick pattern instead of just doing it the easy way and making long vertical cuts. It was her way. My dad had a system for washing the car. You had to wash from the top down. First the top, then the windshield, hood, and trunk, next the side windows and doors, and finally the tires. Had to be done that way. My mom was methodical too. You read the directions before doing anything and you always checked the stove and turned out all the lights before leaving the house. Follow the system. Adhere to the rules. Never do anything that might be unsafe. That’s the way you do things. I had difficulty being flexible. Don’t get me wrong, a schedule can be a great thing. You have to have rules to play well with with others. Methods that are tried and true are wonderful. However, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.
When I became a mom, I saw early on that I had inherited/learned many of the same tendencies. We’d take our family on a camping trip and my dad was sure bears were going to eat us. One year we went to Colorado for Christmas. We had to all get flu shots because my mom was convinced we were going to catch the flu on the flight. Then, since we were staying in a VRBO cabin in the mountains, my dad worried the whole time that panthers were going to attack us. I found myself being so affected by this fearfulness that I couldn’t fully enjoy our adventures, couldn’t fully enjoy life. I knew I needed to learn to relax. I didn’t want to pass this fear along to my children.
When one of the kids was in middle school, I chaperoned the spring band trip. I decided to ride the new rollercoaster at Six Flags. It was called “Superman.” You were strapped into your seat like any other roller coaster, but upon leaving the station, the car moved into a position with you facing the ground. You were strapped in with a shoulder bar and if you dared, you could stretch out your arms and “fly” like Superman. There had actually been a glitch or two and a few stories in the news of scary situations. Several people around us were talking about it. I found myself getting more and more nervous, wondering if it was really safe, if I would be the next news story. The kids with me were excited and teasing each other about the danger. We had to wait a long time because of the popularity of the ride. I considered waiting for them on the other side.
Then, I had an epiphany. In the Bible study Believing God, Beth Moore asks, “Do you believe IN God or do you BELIEVE God? It’s not the same thing.” I called myself a believer. I’d been in Bible study for years. I talked like I believed God is sovereign and that He is in control of everything. But, did I really believe Him? He tells us to trust Him. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I had a choice. I could live my life in fear of what might happen, or I could use my good judgement, make good choices, and trust God with the outcome. Saying I believed He could take care of me wasn’t the same thing as believing He would take care of me.
Bad things happen. No one can control everything. Trying to do so was exhausting me. In that moment, in line for that roller coaster, I realized I needed to let go of trying to control all the variables. I needed to really trust God, really believe Him. Now, you might think it silly that I was having this huge theological discussion with myself over riding a roller coaster, but it was a big moment for me.
It was our turn to ride. I took a deep breath, stepped into a seat, and pulled down the bar. As we pulled away from the station and the bottom dropped out from under us, our car leaned forward. We picked up speed and the platform fell away. I had a vise grip on the bar for just a minute, then, I let go, stretched out my arms in front of me, and I flew. It was glorious. I soared over Six Flags with nothing restraining me but a seatbelt and a shoulder bar, my arms and legs outstretched as I sped through the air. It was over much too quickly and I knew I wanted to ride again.
God used that ride on a roller coaster to change my life. I learned a lesson in trust. I knew there were always going to be things that scared me. I knew life is unpredictable. But I didn’t want to miss the fun because I was too afraid to try something new. My motto became Carpe diem Coram Deo, “seize the day in the presence of God.” That simple but profound way of thinking raises the bar, sets the boundaries, and gives me the freedom to fly.
As we enter a new decade, I wish you love, and laughter, and joy. I hope you will have many adventures and learn new things. As you look back on the memories you’ve already made, may you soar ahead and enjoy making those yet to come.
Carpe diem Coram Deo!
(Wish I could fly like) Superman lyrics- The Kinks, Songwriters: Ray Davies/Serge Lama @Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner/Chapell Music Inc.
