Sober Mommy

My husband and I went to Napa Valley for our honeymoon. Before we had kids we implemented “Champagne Monday’ and toasted each other weekly out of fancy cups. On my 30th birthday, giant chevron numbers appeared in my front yard with a 5ft wine glass. What I’m trying to tell you here is that I like wine (a lot) and everyone in my life knows it. But, the day I spent with a wine headache at the McWane Science Center in Birmingham with my own three small children and about a half million others, was the day I thought about taking a break from alcohol.  

It started with a self-imposed “Dry July”. I choose this month based on the fact that it contained only one major holiday, one birthday, is a low stress work season, and included no travel for our family. I discovered several interesting things throughout the month: I was sleeping much better and therefore woke up more clear headed and with more energy and, I also missed having something to look forward to at the end of a long day that was just for myself. After taking some time to assess my reasons for drinking I realized I was using my nightly glass or two as a reward. Hard day, moderately taxing day, or hey – a good day – wine to celebrate or to console, win-win.  What I also realized was that I didn’t feel equipped to handle my everyday normal life and my compensation for “adulting” was to drink.

Here’s where there can be a misconception – I did not have a drinking problem, but drinking had become a problem in my life. You do not have to have a rock bottom moment to make a change and changes can look different for different people.

As 2018 was winding down, I decided to totally give up alcohol for a year. I transitioned into a new routine of making a hot cup of tea once the kids went to bed as that something to look forward to and savor. (Listen, I have not lost my taste buds – no matter how good the tea is, it’s no glass of merlot.) I also followed women on social media who talk about sober living and have found them to be informational and honest about the hard stuff (Aidan Donnelley Rowley @drylifeclub and Laura McKowen @laura_mckowen)

It has taken a healthy dose of vulnerability to talk about this, both in my real life and now online. What if people think I have a drinking problem? What if I mess it all up and am drinking before the end of the year and someone sees me and now I’m a hypocrite? What if no one wants to come to my birthday party?  (Just kidding, but isn’t that the worst?)

Here’s where I’ve landed,  since I have taken a step back in this area of my life, my eyes have been opened to the constant barrage of messaging to and about moms and drinking, and not enough women are talking about this. It’s basically a social expectation that the only way we (women) can handle things is by drinking and I find that both problematic and insulting.

We are over 100 days into the year – which means I have been over 100 days without alcohol, something I didn’t know I was capable of or would even want. Besides better sleep and energy, I have seen other positive changes in my life. Losing weight was not initially a motivating factor for me, but I have lost several pounds and enjoy getting to wear pre-baby clothes that haven’t fit into for a while. At the grocery store, even if we bought the cheap stuff – which we did – and only spent $10 a week on wine that is still $40 a month which is enough to take a date night or set aside for a house project.

Overall, not drinking has brought more into my life than drinking ever did. 

 

Additional Reading, if you’re into that kind of thing: Scary Mommy(warning – some language) and this Babble.com article.