When my daughter was born, I quickly learned that it was okay to ask for help. I mean, birthing a whole being requires recognizing that you need help and accepting help when it is offered. One of the areas a new mom can really use help is with breastfeeding. Well, I don’t literally mean that your spouse should breastfeed, but there are ways a partner can assist and make breastfeeding feel less rigorous.
As a first time mom, I quickly learned that breast milk does not rush in once the baby is born. It is a gradual process, and it requires patience. Also, I learned that breastfeeding can be painful initially until the baby learns to be positioned appropriately. It took me a few tries to finally learn the art of breastfeeding and positioning my baby properly. As a result, I experienced a bruised nipple, pain and a tinge of frustration. Well, a lot of frustration, really. But I soon learned, and that changed the narrative for me. From the days at the hospital to our going home, I tried to seek ways to eliminate my frustration and enjoy motherhood. So, what did I do? I decided I needed extra help with the process of breastfeeding. Here are some ways breastfeeding moms can include dads:
Ask for help. It is okay to ask for help from your spouse. Ask them to help with little chores to help you feel comfortable while breastfeeding. Simple tasks like propping a pillow underneath your elbow, bringing lanolin cream, or bringing you a glass of water goes a long way. As part of my effort to increase milk, I drank a lot of water. So, I usually would ask for a glass of water while I was breastfeeding. My husband felt involved in the process and it was easier for him to understand my pain.
Talk about how you feel. You do not have keep your frustrations to yourself. It is good to have a conversation with your spouse about how you feel about breastfeeding. There are several expectations that are set about breastfeeding. Once the reality of breastfeeding hit me, I realized that I needed to talk to someone other than a lactation nurse, someone who would understand why I am crying in the middle of a feeding session. My husband was that person for me. He understood me more than anyone else can. So, it was easy for me to tell him how I felt. This helped me relieve frustrations and feel better.
Share the responsibility. The moment I figured out the beauty in breast pumps, it changed the breastfeeding game for me. I pumped as much or as little as I could into nursing bottles, and voila, I handed them over to my husband (and sometimes my mom) to feed the baby. This made my husband feel connected to our daughter as he held her close to his chest while feeding her.
Attend a prenatal course. As first time parents, it seemed odd, at first, to walk into a class that discussed the process of breastfeeding. But after we understood the importance of breastfeeding, we were more enthusiastic about breastfeeding our little one. So, I encourage dads to go to prenatal classes with mom. Participation in such a class prepares you for what is to be expected with your spouse during breastfeeding. Sometimes, breastfeeding does not go according to your plans. It is totally okay. Do not feel like you are the worst person ever. A prenatal course can help prepare both parents for the unexpected situations that can happen after child is born. For example, breast milk may take a few days after the baby is born to come in. For a breastfeeding mom, that is normal. Attending a prenatal class can help alleviate the fear, as you will already be armed with that knowledge.
Overall, team effort in breastfeeding creates bonding and enthusiasm. Both breastfeeding mom and new dad are experiencing the excitement that having a new baby can bring. This can also have an impact on the milk production, as mom is more relaxed and comfortable. I learned from experience that being tense makes it harder to breastfeed but once you are relaxed, it helps the baby latch better. When the baby latches better, you are in less or no pain. After the initial process of learning to breastfeed, it does get better. Trust me, breastfeeding gets better.
On the other hand, if you are a mom and you did not get a chance to breastfeed for any reason, personal or medical, do not feel ashamed. Do not let anyone shame you for it. Everyone’s body is different. Some people are able to breastfeed their children for longer than six months, others do not reach a three-month mark, and others just cannot do it. It is okay. We are all so different, so are our bodies, mind, and circumstances. Just because you did not breastfeed, does not mean you love your child any less. You are the mother of that precious baby and that is all that matters!
As I close out this piece, here’s my additional nugget of advice to dads. Love on your spouse, praise her, take on extra chores around the house so that mom can rest. Take shifts holding the baby, changing the diaper, burping the baby. Whatever it takes! Breastfeeding can take a toll on a mom, and sometimes even a family. Make it fun and totally worth it by being involved in the breastfeeding process.
I hope this has been helpful to breastfeeding moms and dads, especially. I would love to hear from you. Let me know of other ways a dad can provide support for a breastfeeding mom.
