The Cacooning

When I was pregnant with my daughter,  I used to try to imagine what she would be like as a baby, a toddler, a little girl, a preteen, a teenager, and finally an adult…. am I alone here? Or do most people day dream about this type of thing? I just wanted her to be her own person. To be who she is made to be. To be proud of her quirks and to own her personality.  People used to comment that she looked like me and I would promptly respond that she looked like her, not me. I enjoyed her so much as a baby, and she was an easy toddler. Then as a little girl, she mostly stayed to herself. I was not sure how to take that because I am a huge extrovert. And even if she was to be a bit of an introvert, I still wanted to raise a confident and friendly young lady.

Is your sweet little girl shy?

Would she rather play by herself than with others?

Mine did. And I literally used to worry about it….

My daughter is in the 6th grade now and these preteen years are super interesting because our relationship has shifted.

When she was little, I felt like Mommy, the protector & enforcer. Now, during these adolescent years it is becoming more like Momma, the coach & mentor.

She has never been very social. When she was little, I ran a production company. There were days that I had to take her to rehearsals with us, and she would just sit and play by herself the entire time! I specifically remember one time where she climbed up on a box, behind the projection screen, and began a puppet show for herself with the shadow of her hands.

I’m talking hours and hours of playing in her own little world. And she’s always been like that, just happy playing with her toys. Then we moved quite a bit during her pre-k to third grade years, and it affected her. She really didn’t attach to any friends and continued to play by herself, rather than with new friends. I prayed that she would find good friends that loved her for who she is, ones that would encourage her to become the young woman God made her to be!

When we moved to Auburn, she finally found a friend group that she enjoys. And a couple of weeks ago when we found out there was going to be a dance, I really had no clue as to whether she would want to go or not. At dinner that night, I asked her in the most nonchalant manner I could (because ya’ll know I could not let her know I was excited for her, or she would recoil and say no thanks) and she casually says, “Oh yeah, we want to go with a group of friends.” What?!? Yes, I was dancing inside!!! Not only did she want to go to a social function, but she wanted to go with a group of friends? I didn’t have to worry about her wanting to go with a date yet! Whew! I felt like I dodged a bullet and she bought me flowers all in the same moment, lol!!

Last night, her best friend’s mom asked me if they could get ready together. Of course I agreed. I remember getting dressed up with friends for girls nights, movies, and other events. I cherish those memories! Then she informed me that I needed to bring my makeup, because I’m “good” at that type of thing, and the girls wanted to wear it. My first thought was, “Wait, they’re old enough to wear makeup”? But then I decided it was better to help them with a little blush, eye shadow, and lippy than to make a big deal about it. That might make them feel like they needed to sneak it! And lets face it, at twelve years old, a little make up is going to be the least of her problems.

Tonight she let me paint her nails, which never happens! To be honest, the only reason she gets her toes done is because I HATE clipping her nails. Then, we did a little make up and they looked so excited and grown up I had to hold back my tears! As I drove them to the dance, I realized that my shy little caterpillar has been in a cocoon the past couple of years as we faced hormonal changes, braces, and learning social cues….and now, she’s blossoming into the most beautiful, unique butterfly I have ever seen!

Now, I still imagine what she will be like in the upcoming years. I wonder if she’ll date, what she’ll end up studying, what she will be passionate about, and if she’ll have a family of her own… but there’s one thing I don’t have to wonder about anymore and that’s this:

She will be herself. She will be a one of a kind masterpiece, and whom ever she allows into her life will be blessed because she is the only her in the world!

If your kids are shy, different, quirky, silly, nerdy, interesting, and the list goes on….just embrace their little caterpillar self. Enjoy the roller coaster cocoon-ing process and be awed by the butterfly that emerges as the years go by!