Daylight Donuts used to be near the corner across from the Chevron Station that used to be on the corner of College and Glenn Avenue. It wasn’t much to look at, but it was a special place for our offspring. One morning each week, one lucky kiddo got nudged awake at 5 AM by Dad and told, “Wake up! It’s your turn to go get donuts.” No second call needed. Feet hit the floor. The chosen one was dressed and waiting as soon as Dad got out of the shower. When the donut shop closed its doors, they migrated to the Hardee’s that used to be on Gay Street and donut day became biscuit day. But, the truth is that it wasn’t the food choice that inspired the excitement, it was getting Dad all to themselves for thirty minutes before he left for work.
Dates with mom didn’t inspire as much excitement since I was at home with them most of the time, but they seemed to enjoy them. I’d kidnap one of our three each week and we’d go for a soft drink, a snack after school, or to Aubie’s Ice Cream shop that used to be on College near J & M Bookstore. We’d often walk across the street to campus, sit on a bench, and visit Simon and friends, the cats who lived under Hargis Hall. After a while, the middle one wasn’t so keen about being seen in public with Mom, so our dates consisted of me picking up takeout food of his choice and bringing it home to watch a movie together. Whatever the venue, the purpose was the same-spend a little one-on-one time to connect with each of our children in the midst of our busy schedules.
All of our kids enjoyed school clubs, activities, and sports in some capacity and we encouraged them to pursue their interests. The only requirement was that we all keep everything in perspective. With three children and two adults, all active and with varied interests, life could get out of control in a hurry, so I came up with the “Pick 2” philosophy long before it was a popular restaurant thing. Each child could have two regular after-school activities at any given time. Things like school clubs and band didn’t count as one of the “2” since these took place, for the most part, during the school day. But sports with games and practices were something they all enjoyed, though the oldest only played for a few years, so this definitely fell into the “Pick 2” category and we had an additional requirement that only two people could sign up for a sport during any given season. There was that one year that fall softball didn’t make and all three played ball the next spring. My schedule consisted of following my color-coded calendar, racing from one ballpark to another to drop off, pick up, or grab a few minutes to watch someone play something. I don’t think I saw an entire practice or game that whole season, and that was probably the year the middle one and the youngest got left at Felton Little on two separate occasions. You’re not real parents until you suddenly look at each other across a pile of pizza boxes on the way to the team party and scream, “We left her at the ball park!” After that season, there was no argument over sticking to the two-at-a time rule.
In all the madness of raising kids, connection was at the top of my list of things to foster in our family. I wanted all our kids to get the chance to try new things and develop interests and friends of their own, but I also wanted them, and us, to encourage and support each other’s interests. Trying to make sure that we all spent some time attending each other’s activities was part of it, but the goal included making an effort to enter into each other’s world, to care about each other, and sometimes that meant giving someone a nudge in the right direction. I wanted them to learn that family doesn’t just mean being related or living at the same address. It is a bond that is built over time and strengthened by intentional sacrifices in order to encourage and support each other. It’s a connection based on love and nurtured through commitment. It’s rare and never to be taken for granted. 
It was important to us as parents to connect with the kids as they were growing up and it was just as important that the kids connected with each other. From donut days with Dad, to coke dates with Mom, to homework at the ballpark while a sibling played or practiced, all that effort was worth the time and trouble. Now, with them scattered in various places, it’s rare to get everyone in the same place at the same time, but, whether we’re all together and having a family game night, or they’re Face-timing each other across the miles, it’s great to see them enjoying each other’s successes and supporting each other when things aren’t going as planned. As my car is fond of telling me when Kent’s phone comes into range, “Connection Complete.”
