From Full-Time to Stay-At-Home: A Working Woman’s Perspective

Let me start by saying I have never been a stay at home mom since being blessed with my first child in May 2016. I stayed home with her for 9 glorious weeks before returning to my position as a full-time veterinarian. I have always looked forward to my days off with my little girl but just recently, my daily routine changed unexpectedly. As I sit down to write this, I am two weeks away from meeting my second child. My plan was to work up until the first week of January, the week before he was due. But you know what they say about “the best laid plans.”

At 34 weeks pregnant, I found myself suddenly unable to walk or get up without assistance. I went from doing Orange Theory Fitness 2-3 times weekly and running 2 miles daily to not being able to be home alone for fearing of getting “stuck.” What started as sciatic pain down the left side of my leg, turned in to using a Swiffer Sweeper as a crutch just to use the bathroom. My doctors and physical therapist suspected a possible bulging disc in my back. I was at a 7-8 on the pain scale and could do nothing but lay on the heating pad on the couch. In fact, the pain was so severe – I was actually starting to look forward to my scheduled cesarean section for the epidural/spinal alone. I knew it was going to be a long five weeks. Needless to say, it’s been a rough ending to this otherwise pretty wonderful pregnancy.

I officially was deemed unable to return to work after the first week of my acute back injury. I didn’t even know my last shift would be my last, which in hindsight might have been the hardest part of this whole ordeal. I’ve worked with the same group of wonderful people for years and I struggle with not seeing them on a daily basis. It was more than a month of off time I hadn’t originally planned on, and I was shocked. Part of me was sad but also excited – I get to stay at home with my little girl for her last few weeks of being an only child? Amazing!

Thoughts that actually crossed my mind at this time: Being a stay at home mom looks like a blast (maybe if one could actually walk, clean, cook, etc. but I digress.) I can get so much done in baby’s nursery (the being able to walk and function is a necessity I definitely took for granted). I can finish all these little nesting projects I’ve been thinking about starting for weeks (again, mobility is huge.)

What I didn’t account for was the amount of entertaining a 2.5-year-old requires. More thoughts that occurred to me: Am I doing this whole stay at home thing correctly? Did I play with her enough today? Why did I let her watch another episode of Bubble Guppies? She doesn’t understand that I can’t get on the ground and play with her because at this time, I can barely move.

It was definitely an adjustment, not only for me, but also for her. For the first two weeks, I had to have around the clock care for myself and for my child. Luckily, my parents live around the corner, my husband can be home for extended periods of time, and I have some of the most amazing friends/support group I could ask for. People were happy to sign up for shifts, bring us dinner, and help entertain my daughter.

I’m not sure if it was all of the support, the resting, the sweet kisses and band-aids for my “back boo boo” from dear daughter, multiple physical therapy sessions, baby dropping, etc. that have helped, but my back has slowly started to heal. In fact, after three weeks with my Swiffer crutch, I haven’t touched it in almost a week! It’s the little things.

I will admit the last 3-4 weeks have really changed my opinion of those women who spend their days with their kids. Don’t get me wrong. I always knew staying at home was not the life of leisure some people imagine it to be. I have never imagined that being at home with child(ren) would be easy. I have always been jealous of those lucky enough to stay home with their children, but after my own experience with this, the envy I’ve felt has turned into an enormous amount of respect.

I have spent most of her afternoon naps on Pinterest doing various research. “How to entertain a toddler; holiday-themed crafts we could make together; how to introduce her to her new brother in a few weeks; how to raise a toddler and a newborn with no sleep; how to entertain a toddler while breastfeeding,” the list goes on and on.

A lot of the articles I stumble upon are about stay at home moms versus working moms. Both play an essential role in successful family rearing without a doubt. I feel we should replace the “versus” between the two roles and find a way to place both moms on the same “side” while giving constant support to each other. It’s not a competition. Take it from me, after the last few weeks, I can attest to the idea that staying in this house all day every day with my child is just as challenging as going to the office and practicing veterinary medicine daily.

I also learned to speak up. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I found that I struggled with having to depend on others before the new baby was even here. I felt like I used all of my “help” I was supposed to have after his birth before he was even here. As an independent woman, it was very difficult for me to realize I had to rely on others constantly. The craziest part is, I realized people wanted to help me. I truly wasn’t “using up” anything. I know these same supporters will be here when he’s born in a few short days. In the future, I will not be afraid to ask for help and support, whether I’m still staying at home or after my return to work.

Let’s face it, moms. Whether we stay at home with our kids or work all day and come home to an hour or two of good quality time (or sometimes none at all), we are all in the same position. When we sit down at the kitchen table after our children have gone to bed, we’ve mopped up the spilled coffee from earlier in the day (that we reheated at least twice before it still wasn’t completely gone), we’ve picked up the dirty dishes, we’ve changed the laundry out, we’ve put up the leftovers, and all of the other nightly mothering duties that must be tended to before we can put up our feet and turn on our latest guilty pleasure TV show – we are all equally tired.  We let out a sigh of relief because we are all satisfied that our kiddos (and us) lived to see another day.