When I heard other moms talk about mom guilt, I wondered what that meant. Then I told myself that I don’t think that would ever be me. Shocker, I become a mom, and there it is: mom guilt! If you are wondering what mom guilt is, well, let me tell you. It is that guilty feeling you have when you leave your child for a few hours to have some personal self-care moments. For example, you go to the nail shop without your kids and you begin to feel guilty like you are doing something wrong. Well, mine started right after my daughter was born. I am a first time mom. My daughter was born right during the first week of school starting. I was barely home from the hospital when I had to turn in my first assignment. My professor was kind enough to let me turn in my assignment via email. So, I gave my baby to my mom and started studying. A few minutes later, I heard the cry for food. I prop her on my chest to breastfeed, laptop on the arm of our sofa and continued studying. That was when it hit me: how can you be studying and breastfeeding a baby at the same time? She is barely a week old, Mac-Jane. Maybe it is time you gave schooling a break, you can always pick it up later in life. Mind you, I am a Ph. D. student.
I felt the pang of guilt over and over and over and over again. E.V.E.R.Y single night I left my child at home to go to class, every single time I felt my breast pad soaking up spilling breast milk while I was in class, every single time I sent my mom a text to check on my daughter. The guilt continued. I did not tell anyone because I didn’t think anyone would understand and I didn’t want anyone to classify me a bad mom. I felt bad because I went to work and school and left my child for a couple of hours a day. I knew she was in safe hands, yet I still felt like a bad mom.
Now if you feel you can relate to my story, then you may also be wondering how I overcame mom guilt. Honestly, I can not tell you that I have completely dealt with mom guilt. I would be lying if I said that. I still have moments here and there. However, I am learning to appreciate myself as a mom and all the many hats that I wear. If you are wondering how you can deal with mom guilt, here are a few of my personal pointers and I hope they help you.
#1. Remind yourself of what is important and why you do what you. For example, my daughter is a constant motivation for me to finish school. I want her to be proud of me and I also want to teach her the beauty in not quitting when life gets tough. So, when I feel mom guilt, i remind myself that my going to school is not a selfish plan, it will pay off at the end of the day. we cannot stop the clock or stop the things we do to provide and care for our little ones, so mom guilt should not stop us from living our dreams and pursuing the life we desire.
#2. Recognize that you are not alone. There are many moms out there who also feel mom guilt. Mom guilt is real. The struggle to overcome is real. Sometimes you don’t even realize when it springs up on you. But what is important is knowing that you are not alone. you are not the only feeling the way you feel and that does not make you a bad mom. You are a great mom just having a moment. You still love your child (children), nothing changes that. You are human with real feelings and real emotions.
#3. Remember you deserve mom time too. It may be a movie or night out with the girls, whatever you do, it is important to keep your sanity and not feel guilty about it. Talk to other moms and you will realize that you are not alone. Sometimes it is necessary to have me time. Go for a walk, go the bathroom alone (shut the door. Lol). just do whatever you can to feel some love for yourself. That way you can show more love for others because you don’t feel frustrated or less loved yourself.
I hope these few tips have been helpful. I wish you the very best in your mom journey. We are all in this, together. Stay encouraged. #momsunite
